How To Learn About Happiness In Only 10 Days.

March 6, 2019 by Sara Jane Lowry

Happiness and gratitude magic expressed by Sara Jane Lowry — Gratitude magic!

Sure, we have all heard Oprah talk about her gratitude journal. About the power, happiness and well, gratitude, in doing one. I even tried to do one about 20 years ago myself. But, the joy didn’t come, and I didn’t stick with it.

Since then, I had a friend give me a book for Christmas that invited the reader to journal on gratitude every day for 30 days. I saw the effect it had on her and her state of happiness, and even the changes it brought to her life. So I thought, maybe I will give this another try and I began journaling in January.

The magical process

Like you, my days are pretty busy, especially in the morning. But once I started, I was hooked. I was eager to do it. I set my alarm 20 minutes earlier so I could make sure to write 10 things I was grateful for that morning. Some days, writing the gratitude journal was the best thing of the day. I cried – almost every day. When I read the things I was grateful for out loud and said: thank you, thank you, thank you for each of them, the feelings of happiness, or gratitude, and of love overwhelmed me. I found myself smiling for no reason throughout the day.

Had my circumstances and challenges changed? No. But my attitude toward them did. Some of the journaling practices related to relationships or things that weren’t pleasant. Figuring out the parts of them for which I could be grateful was an opening experience in perspective (think, Taxes anyone?) But the feeling of happiness makes me feel hopeful and invested in outcomes that are meaningful.

Gratitude magic

I did all 30 days. And then started it over again. I’ve never been happier in my life and for such an extended period of time. This practice of writing 10 things daily that I am grateful for has helped me to reframe every moment of my life. And in that process, I’ve also learned to let go of things, to be more present, to see where I anticipate negativity where this is none. Happiness is about gratitude for what you already have.

Passing it on

People around me noticed the change in me. And they began to change because I changed. It even worked on people that I only expressed gratitude to in my journal. I began to set intentions around the kind of relationships I wanted with people after thinking about how I was grateful for them. On example was my goddaughter who is in college and I don’t see as much as I would like. She began calling me. And I explained what I was working on with the gratitude journal.

So, my goddaughter started using the book too, and she saw her day-to-day happiness change, as well as her mindsets and attitudes when she was running. And she then shared it with her college roommates. They realized how much time they spent in negative complaining and started recognizing their many blessings.

If gratitude is part of your daily routine, and brings you joy, please share your story of happiness with us!

Influence happens 1 person at a time

February 11, 2019 by Sara Jane Lowry

Are you having difficulty influencing people to buy into your ideas? Are you wishing you had more impact at your job? Then, you may need to consider planning your conversations and building in flexibility in approaches.

Sparrows conversing in a group trying to influence one another

Influence has some principles that might be helpful to remember in those conversations:

What’s in it for them? (People do things for their own reasons.)
Make sure to take a reading of ego and relationships and how that relates to results. Perhaps, reconsider the balance of those three.
Are you employing the behavior of “If you don’t ask for it, you won’t get it” talk with that person?
Remember that influence happens 1 person at a time, not as a group?
Are you taking 100% responsibility for your own impact on that person? This means: do you realize that what you intend to impact doesn’t always translate to the impact the other person experiences?
Realize that with influence conversations there are no guarantees: use each influence conversation as an opportunity to learn and improve.

And, it requires “influence flexibility” to know what approach to take with each person. Each person requires their own plan.

Start with a goal

How can you think about what you want that person to do, say, think or feel differently? And, as you consider that outcome, also think about whether it is possible to accomplish it one meeting, or if you will need more than one.

Determine what might motivate them

Even Dale Carnegie, the author of “How to Win Friends and Influence People, knew that to have influence, you needed to understand what a person was focused on, and what was important for them in the situation.

What will motivate them in this situation?
Are there reasons that you might provide that would influence them?
What incentives can you provide that s/he would value?
Or, is there something you could you remove, or use to apply pressure to influence them?
What are his/her primary interests or concerns in the situation?

And, it’s important to address THEIR key interests, concerns, or frustrations first before bringing up your own if you want to influence a change.

Influence is a 2-way street.

As you prepare to have the conversation, check in with your own rigidity and bias:

are you willing to be open to his/her ideas? Check your own needs against theirs? And, are you able to inspire them to a shared vision?
If you know the places where you are not willing to be flexible, then make that clear up front.
Don’t air all your grievances, or be overly emotional. Therefore, think through what you know you shouldn’t say or do because it might escalate or upset the situation. This is a good time to practice your own emotional awareness because you don’t want to lose focus.
Is there common ground such as shared values or experiences?

Sometimes conversations don’t go as planned.

So, plan in advance what you will do if you need to go to “plan B.”

Plan to excuse yourself if it isn’t going well to regroup
Consider coming back to it later with new information, or when the situation is calmer.

If you weren’t able to achieve the goal you set, think about what didn’t work in your approach, and notice what you learned about the process of influence. Because learning how to influence people to hear your ideas, or perform better on a team, is a process of learning more about the people you work with or want to influence.

I can help you plan your next important conversation, clarify your goals, and rehearse to be sure you are ready and maximize your success. Book me at https://sarajanelowrybooking.as.me/

Clarity–the weapon against crisis

September 3, 2018 by Sara Jane Lowry

Clarity is the answer to many of your problems.

Clarity of clear water with rocks and tiny hatchlings

I find that people only change for two reasons, through crisis or education.

Get some clarity about what you are trying to do and education that helps you to grow, or gain skills. They will help you avoid the unwanted change that comes because of a crisis. Clear visions help you take right and affirmative decisions. They ease your task of choice making.

Don’t wait until you get smacked in the face to make a change.

When I decided to leave being an opera singer and got clear that I wanted to work in business, I had to figure out how I was going to gain entry to a whole new career. I was fortunate to get a job at a corporation. I used the skills I had developed as a performer plus I took some classes in computing. As I got clear, I began to see my life transform. I identified what was important to me. I started making decisions on purpose to build my career.

But when that company went bankrupt a few years later, I had to to get clarity again. How could I use those skills, plus learn new ones to build a career in the nonprofit world? Learning about how people make decisions in terms of philanthropy shifted the way I thought. It shifted the way I approached life. It taught me how to be purposeful in where I put my resources of time, energy and money.

Each day since then has been both full and fulfilling.

It is never too late, or too early, to get clarity. Then gain skills and knowledge and act with more focus, more purpose. Just decide that you want to make a change and then get clarity about what you want to do. This article on Medium speaks to the role of clarity in success.

Remember, you can change now because there is a more meaningful way to work and live. Or, change later because you are forced to change through crisis. Please don’t wait for the crisis.

If you want some help in gaining that clarity, let’s talk. A coach can help by asking the questions to find an answer within. Sign up for an appointment today, don’t wait.

Self-care required to be your best under pressure

August 13, 2018 by Sara Jane Lowry

Self-care: what does it take in order to stay focused on achieving great results?

Start by focusing on these 4 basic things of self-care: start by getting a good night’s sleep, followed by drinking plenty of water, eating healthily, and exercising. You’ve probably read or heard this somewhere and are saying yes, yes, I know that, but I don’t have time. without self-care, you are exhausted

But you need to start there, focusing on these 4 basic things. You can’t sort things out with people and challenges if you are exhausted. It’s hard to regulate your emotions when you aren’t taking care of your body. It just doesn’t enhance your performance to avoid these important items because your body is fighting to take care of its own needs.

We can be our own worst enemy in overextending ourselves, or we may have a very demanding boss that makes it easy to lose track of taking care of ourselves.

So, how can you be at your best at self-care when under pressure and very busy?

Don’t beat up on yourself. Instead, become curious. Experiment with new ways of doing things. Become a researcher on your own behavior by observing what works and what doesn’t work for you.
Find a few moments to deliberate on the one thing you’d like to get better in – but don’t do it while you’re feeling pressured. Stop, take pause, and see what little shift you can do to change your patterns. And when something works, take a few moments to reflect on that success, and what made it possible to do really well in self-care. Reward yourself for each success.
Get comfortable with the idea of making this change as a practice instead of seeing it as a failure while you struggle to overcome behavior patterns. You have competing demands and challenges. Try each day to practice changing your patterns related to self-care and know you are learning to change your pattern.

We need to have our mind, gut, and heart aligned in order to be our brilliant selves. So, we need to be well-fueled to get the energy we need, to make space for our gut sense to speak to our mind, to make good decisions and meet your challenges. After all, it’s your body that is making it all happen.

Let go and just be even in the midst of thunderstorms

July 6, 2018 by Sara Jane Lowry

Recently there have been severe thunderstorms and heavy rains that caused the power to go out for short and long hours of time. I was given an opportunity to experience an unusual amount of time to just be quiet: let go and just be.

At first, it was difficult. I tried to read but it was too dark. There was no hum of equipment. The silence was only interrupted by rain and thunder. After an hour, I found myself being able to “see” from a quiet place that my external self was struggling to let go and just be in the moment.

Our lives are full of lists, of rushing, about, of filling every moment with something. So what happens when the power goes out, and we can’t fill out time and space with doing? We say we want peace of mind, relief from stress, relaxation but when given those things, we feel anxious and fidgety. We have lost the ability to just be.

Can you let go and just be?

How addicted are we to our phones and other media devices? Can we take a step back internally, and distance ourselves for a moment and ask – is this really living? Are we fully present to those around us? Or even to ourselves? It’s a crazy addiction to respond to every beep and every interruption. We are constantly in response mode or consumer of information mode. Is this truly living?

I have a few coaching clients that even during a session can hardly keep themselves from checking their phones. Even as they are working to transform something about their lives – they cannot resist. But when would that transformation happen in relation to the constant interruptions to which they are compelled to respond?

So, today, just try and take a few moments to reach for clarity, to stop self-sabotaging your life and goals, to create instead of responding, to breathe instead of doing, and just be. You might discover a new you and a new peace of mind.

If you want, you can read more about choosing mindfulness versus lists here. Another wonderful in-depth resource is The Art of Mindfulness: why mindfulness matters.

Or if you want to let go and just be, try listening to some thunder and rain by clicking here.