Sara Jane Lowry

Coaching and Consultation

Self-awareness — how well do you know yourself?

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Brown box with lid open stuffed with black and white photographs of relatives and a baby. Self-awareness begins with knowing your lifelong patternsSelf-awareness is critical to success. How well do you know yourself?

Stay with me here.

We are talking about something much greater and of higher consequence. I am asking about who you are at your core, what most matters to you, what makes you come alive, what feeds your soul and what drains your spirit, and how to know the difference so you choose well as you give your best energy, and commitment to something.

If you are lacking a lot of self-awareness, you may still live a life somewhat in alignment with who you are but only by accident or sheer stroke of luck. And you may be living a life that doesn’t fit. What if you could be certain that you live in alignment with who you are not by accident or luck, but rather on purpose, by intention, by design.

How? By getting improving your self-awareness and getting to know yourself really well. One way to do that is to learn your values, passions, and goals. Another is to ask the right questions. (More about that later.)

In my coaching practice, I’ve been working with people how to create better lives for themselves which in turn changes their work, their relationships, and their happiness. They have grown their “self-awareness” quotient and:

  • gotten clarity on their life’s purposeSign stating a list: live full, create happiness, speak kindly, hug daily, smile often, hope more, laugh freely, seek truth, inspire change, love deeply. Missing from the list is grow your self-awareness.
  • determined where they want to go in their career or business
  • boosted their incomes
  • deepened their relationships
  • connected with their gifts

Self-awareness and Mindset

I am so passionate about how we can create the right life for ourselves by first knowing who we are, and then creating the right mindset. So, your mind believes anything you tell it. Is it true? Let’s see.

What is it that you tell yourself all day long? You might be exceptional but most of us walk around saying relatively negative criticisms to ourselves or about ourselves.

Let’s say someone asks you whether you can run a marathon or you can give up dessert for a week. Usually, we hedge unless we’ve already done it. Sometimes the response is immediately I can’t.  I can’t learn that or do that. Or you hear yourself saying “I can’t take this anymore” but don’t take action. That phrase “I can’t” is part of our everyday dialogue and that is your message to your mind.

So, how well do you know yourself?

Your mind says “ I can’t do that well, so we’re not going to even bother because I know I can’t do that”. You’ve already woven a story that your mind believes. As you repeat this over time it becomes a fact to you. It becomes the truth whereas it’s really just something you’ve been telling yourself.

Some of you know that I used to be an opera singer in my early career life. At that time, I had a personal transformation in my singing journey that I still to this day cannot believe I am able to do because the story I had been telling myself was so powerful.

Singing the role of the Noemie, Stepsister of Cinderella in Massenet's Cendrillon, with my foot on the stool holding the glass sliipper
Singing Noemie in Massenet’s Cendrillon

I remember a voice teacher telling me that I would have to be able to sing notes higher than a high “C” (think Pavarotti’s high notes) if I wanted it to be a good one in performance.  Of course, when my voice was younger, that wasn’t too much of a problem. But as my voice and body matured, my voice was no longer light but instead had a richer, darker middle and lower note capacity which added “weight” to the sound. And it’s hard to take that weight up high.

Now, of course, I know that my body can do this but the first time it happened I had to convince my mind that I was capable of doing this. In reality, my body was already there. My teacher said your body has no limitations on doing this at this point in your singing journey but my mind had been keeping me from doing so because I have been telling myself the same story of “I can’t.” I was trying to sing it but my mind didn’t think I could do it. My mind wasn’t ready to change the outcome.

Knowing yourself and what the mind believes

So what is it that you’re telling yourself all day long that you cannot do, that you don’t know how to do, or what to do, or whatever other negative phrases that you’re using? How well do you know yourself?

Remember: your mind listens and believes you and then uses that as a fact to run your life in a misguided effort to protect you.

You can send it a different message.

You can choose to believe in a different story: a story of being a confident person who CAN make changes and choose differently, and seeing that there is a deeper truth than you’re believing about yourself.

Change your mind on how you see yourself and see how that will integrate into so many better results in your life. Start to question those beliefs. Get to really know yourself.

The opportunity has never been greater to…Neon sign saying Do Something Great which is possible when you have self-awareness

  • Show up as the people we have grown into becoming
  • Sustain thriving relationships
  • Discover and follow our highest calling
  • Create prosperous careers aligned with our values
  • Experience radiant health and vitality
  • Live in ways that are spiritually connected
  • Ignite and empower others to step forward into their greatness
  • Be catalysts and change agents shaping the future of our world

Happiness is when we have clarity of purpose, our work and relationships are meaningful, we have health and vitality, we feel connected to the Universe – in other words, we are in alignment. Sign up for the upcoming month-long email series where I send one question per day for you to explore how well you know yourself, and how you can choose to manifest your truest life.

If you take this journey, you will realize that: you are a unique human of this world. Are you brilliant, wise, and generous? Perhaps you are perceptive and fascinating. Know this: you are gifted and talented beyond your knowing. You are beyond capable to do what you dream. It starts with getting to know yourself and changing your mind.

The Right Mindset Is Everything

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Happy new year 2018!

At this time of year, some people have set their 2018 goals and are beginning to take steps toward them, while others may have already lapsed in staying focused on a new mindset, habit, or behavior.

Which brings me to the mindset of making things happen. 2017 was amazing for me, my business, my meditation journey, and my relationships with friends and with clients.

How did I make this happen? I ditched the goals and resolutions. Instead, I picked one word/phrase to guide me, and it changed the way I looked at everything. And that brought some real opportunities into my world.

Some of the things I did in 2017 from this new mindset:

  • Serving incredible clients and working only with people and businesses who inspire me and are doing amazing work in this world.Staff Development Day Training with teams learning how to collaborate
  • Having amazing conversations with fun, interesting people.
  • Worked Super Smart: Fewer hours, bigger impact, and better work & play balance.
  • Went to visit creative friends in other parts of the U.S.
  • Took better care of my mind, body, spirit such as developing new meditation habits that have had enormous benefits.
  • Grew my dedication to daily meditation and mindfulness practice with 30-45 minute a day practices, 5-6 days a week and teaching new clients how to start their own meditation practice.
  • Contributed and grew as part of two in-person, female mastermind groups.
  • Went to the Women’s Convention in Detroit and grew my perspectives.
  • Quote against turquoise background: "What is a belief? It's that feeling of certainty we get about what something means." Followed by Change your Beliefs, Change Your LifeFocused on my own personal mindset growth with the help of my private coach.
  • Raised my own self-awareness and focused on being more present with the people in my life.
  • AND began the outline of a book (stay tuned!).

The mindset I used

How did I accomplish the above and more? With the mindset of “say yes” to the opportunities presenting themselves, even if I felt scared, and a focus on feelings of joy. How did I make this mindset manifest?

  • By doing a LOT less of what used to waste my time and energy.
  • By doing an authentic reconciliation of what knowledge and skills I truly have, and then setting my fees to match the value of my work, which means understanding that value and speaking to it by:
  • having a mindset of serving and not selling.
  • doing things that scare me and staying outside my comfort zone.
  • allowing myself to feel vulnerable or down without attacking myself.
  • raising my awareness and preventing self-sabotaging patterns before they took hold.
  • learning that even though my focus was on “say yes” it also meant saying no to loads of “opportunities” so I could say YES to the real ones.
  • trusting myself and my choices even when they were not popular or “logical”.
  • speaking up more with truth and authenticity to clients, colleagues, and friends.
  • doing LESS and getting MORE done.
  • making more time for self-care.

Empowering mindset

None of these had anything to do with goals and resolutions which fall short when you are envisaging an incredible year for yourself, your career, or your organization. It is not enough to ‘set goals’ or ‘make resolutions’. You need a mindset of empowerment and a perspective of possibilities for yourself that then feeds all your decisions and actions. You need to see your situation differently before you can rise above it.  This is true within your organization which lives and dies on internal culture and colleagues who believe “we can change the world”.  It’s true of your sense of where you are in your career and how your work contributes to a better world, and it changes your personal life since you are the central ingredient on making it joyful.

Inner work

This is incredible and important inner work, which then impacts your outer reality. It’s the mindset you must have to successfully manifest an amazing year. It’s proven to help my clients see the biggest shift in their path, which for them, turns into new clients, new streams of income, and new joys in their business and their lives. And this is where I urge you to look for your greatest opportunities and satisfying possibilities in 2018.

If you want to change your outer reality, below are some ways to engage with me:

Sign up for this month’s free daily email campaign: Power of Thought: Manifest a Better Reality 

 

Or contact me for your own exploration session for one of the following items:

Ready Exit Blueprint: How would you feel if you could wake up every day to work on your own dream business instead of being stuck in a day job? Discover how to build your strategy to do what you love, quit your job & make a big impact on the world.

Acceleration Career Path: Do you want to feel valued at your job, get rewarded for all your hard work and get promoted to the next level? It starts with a creating a map of your career management success, one that will lead to raising your salary and loving your career.

Private Coaching with Sara Jane: If you want to accelerate your results and progress in your business, relationships, sales, fundraising, or revenue, and do it in a way that aligns with your core life values and brings you joy, then let’s have a conversation to see if we are a good fit for my private coaching program.

Make 2018 your best year ever!

Power of Thought – Manifest a Better Reality

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looking at sky up through the middle of 4 walls of a building indicating the power of thought to change your realityPower of Thought – Manifest a Better Reality

Power of Thought – Manifest a Better Reality is the name of a new series I am offering starting in January. Thoughts are incredibly powerful, affecting us whether they are conscious or not. They can help or hinder how we live our lives in a way that makes us happy. Sometimes we attach negative thoughts and reactions to our current reality that make us anxious and depressed. And our inner critic uses them against us.

Where you are in your life is never who you are.  It’s more a reflection of your thoughts and beliefs, priorities that you haven’t acknowledged, or unmade choices.

So, stop explaining and justifying where you are and how you got here. That’s focusing on the past. All you need to know at this point is where you’re starting from at this moment:

  • Is the life you are living something you’re not wild about?
  • Do you feel like you’re going around in circles with nothing you’re doing gaining any traction?
  • Do you find yourself constantly looking for something better than what you have right now?

Your thoughts create your feelings.picture of rain and a leaf on the road showing the power of thought when we get anxious or depressed

There are thoughts and perceptions you have of your life that are negative or self-critical.  Thoughts like these are quietly snaking across your mind automatically, with no effort on your part. And, they have a huge impact on how you are feeling. You think these thoughts are real, and therefore, the feelings that accompany them are real. But they are often just habitual ways of thought that set up an emotional reaction that’s negative.

Yes, bad things do happen and life can really hammer us at times. Yes, people can be cruel and thoughtless too. We can’t change those things, but we can change how we think about them. We can change our hidden beliefs and self-values too.  And when you change your thinking, you change your happiness, your outlook on life, and your journey.

Start right now with a new attitude

The power of thought is in learning to recognize the negative ones and change them.  Your journey to manifesting a better reality starts with living and doing your best where you are right now. And that starts with your attitude. Your attitude of gratitude for what you currently have, seeing it as a stepping stone on your journey, and making the best of your current situation.  It means giving it your full attention. This is when new opportunities start to present themselves. Most of my readers know I’m a huge advocate of daily meditation which can also improve your moods and mental states.

What you think, say, and do are the pivot points that can change your life and help you manifest a better reality. Those old ways of thinking, or talking about yourself or to yourself, or acting in self-destructive ways misaligned with the person you value, don’t serve you now.

Automatic thinkingdistorted figure through glass showing the power of thought when it is distorted thinking

Cognitive distortions (the basis of cognitive behavioral therapy) affect most of us. If you struggle with black and white thinking, jumping to negative conclusions, catastrophizing, perfectionism, labeling yourself negatively, and rejecting positive experiences, you can learn to become aware of those automatic and powerful patterns and change them as they happen.

One secret to happiness to set modest goals and accomplish them.

  • If you are a perfectionist (which is really fear-based) on how your goals are accomplished, or you procrastinate in going after them, you will increase your misery quotient.
  • It requires a mental strength to not give in to your habitual patterns. So, changing that pattern begins with self-respect.
  • The power of thought gets flipped when you start analyzing what you gain or lose by having a habitual thought. When you give up perfectionism and procrastination, or not acting on something where you don’t know the outcome in advance, you gain a chance to manifest a new reality.
  • If you want to change your inner critic, begin writing down what it says and when, and write a different thought. Practice telling that inner voice no or stop!

How does the power of thought work?red sign saying No indicating the power of thought when you can't say no

I work with a lot of women who find themselves doing more and more because they have difficulty saying “no” even when they’re asked to do something that isn’t in their best interest. Your hidden belief might be “I must always do what people ask me to do” because (1) it makes me feel needed, or (2) they won’t like me if I say “no”; or (3) I don’t have to worry about someone being upset with me; or (4) doing what people expect of me makes me feel in control.

But you don’t look at what you lose by doing that: (1) that you compromise your time to do something you really don’t want to do; (2) you never know if someone really just likes you for who you are; (3) you give others power over you in avoiding the threat of disappointment; and (4) you never have to figure out what you really want because you are always working to please others.

Changing this personal belief system requires that you write a new belief such as: “I enjoy when someone approves of me but I don’t need it to make choices that fit my own goals and enhance my self-respect.”

Join me on a journey of powerful thought recognition and creating a new reality

If you want to live 2018 differently, you need to start with changing your thoughts. Join me on a month-long daily thought-journey to help you identify what types of negative thoughts you are caught in, and begin a new path to manifesting a new reality for yourself. Sign up today!

 

8 steps to finding your purpose

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hand holding pine cone in front of a forest of pine trees with words 8 steps to finding your purpose

8 Steps to Finding Your Purpose

Some of my clients come to me because they want to find their purpose. They may have lost their passion, or maybe they’ve always been searching for their life’s purpose.  I too had a hard time figuring out what my purpose in life is, and I’ve tried many paths. So, I am sharing this in the hopes that it helps you in your own search.

Moving towards a purposeful life might sound complicated. But it doesn’t have to be. We all think it’s supposed to be a major “aha” moment, and that it should immediately be clear to us. But that’s not often the case.  It can often be a slow journey and exploration, a purpose that you work into and builds in your life over time.

To help you, here are 8 steps to finding your purpose:

 

  1. Pay attention to curiositybaby holding door and looking upward with quote "rememer that things are not always as they appear to be...Curiousity creates possibilities and opportunities by Roy T. Bennet

Curiosity is extremely powerful. It doesn’t demand action, it invites it. It’s not stressful or demanding, it’s easy to follow.  And it can lead you toward your life purpose — it’s magical in that way. So, stop looking for your passion. Instead, follow your curiosity.

 

  1. Envision a compelling future

Right now, stop for a minute and close your eyes. How do you want your life to look like 3 years from now? As you envision it, really feel it inside as you ask yourself some questions like these:envisioning your future symbolized by looking upward in a grove of trees with sunlight highlighting their tops

  • How are you spending your days?
  • Where are you living?
  • Who are you spending time with?
  • What kind of energy do you have?

Envisioning your future is a key ingredient in finding your purpose in life. If we know where we’re going, it’s easier to know what to focus on and why it matters. I also ask clients to consider what qualities they most enjoy expressing, and in what ways they enjoy expressing them.

 

  1. Know your “why’s”

Of the 8 steps to finding your purpose in life, this is probably most important.green fern unfurling symbolizing know your whys

Life isn’t just about what you do. Or how you do it.  It’s about why you do it, the purpose of it. Simon Sinek wrote a book on the importance of why as well as gave a TEDx talk about how it’s important to leadership, to your values, to your impact on others. Why do you do what you do now? Do you have one or several “why’s” connecting to it? And are the “whys” something you chose at one point that no longer has meaning or purpose to you? What about your choices? Are they more about pleasing others? How are you spending your time? Do you know your “why”? Why gives you meaning and purpose.

 

  1. Find your own mission for your purposeful life

My mission is to creatively inspire and support others through a journey of courageous choices and changes toward living an authentic life. I’ve made that my mission because I know the pain, stress, and frustration that comes with living a life that feels empty or false and not your own. And I know that it takes courage to change. Having a mission greater than yourself brings focus and purpose. It’s something to return to when things get tough or when fears get the best of you.

Begin with the end in mind. What would you like to serve others with? What pain have you experienced, or great joy that excites you? These are clues to your purpose.

  1. Start today, take a stepSnail coming out of its shell in pine needles starting the journey as a symbol of finding your purpose

I know what it is to keep putting off my authentic life. Some people wait until their kids are grown or they’re ready for retirement. Thus, it’s a “waiting for ‘some day’ in the future” when everything will magically fall into place. Then, you’ll be ready to take action. But, that day never comes unless you make the decision for it to come. Finding your purpose, and then living it starts with a decision.  And a first step.

Stop waiting for better times or circumstances.

Things will never be ideal. And, you’ll always be able to point at something to say “that’s why I never did it”. Why things won’t work will always there, but so will the reasons why it will. Anxiety or fear sometimes masks itself as “reasons why.”

So, start taking steps, no matter how small, in the right direction today. Be consistent – it’s more important than distance.

 

  1. Focus on one thing at a time

Finding and living your purpose is a journey of many steps. How can you build these steps into your life now? Start with one thing. If you try to make too many changes at once you may become overwhelmed and confused and burn yourself up.  Rather than trying to do it all at once, become aware of your limitations. Move into it gradually. Do ONE thing at the time and dedicate time, energy and commitment to it.

 

  1. Say “no”sign in front of forest stating "restoration area stay off" as a symbol of saying no to things that don't fit your passion

Learning to say “no” is a skill taught in productivity webinars and books. There are a lot of ways you are probably good at prioritizing everything BUT what you want because it’s difficult to make changes, or because you “don’t want to offend” someone. But people who successfully move into what they see as their purpose had to learn to say “no” to the things (or people) who no longer fit that deeper purpose.

To create a purposeful life, you need to make time for the things that bring purpose and meaning. And in that process, you need to say “no” things that aren’t aligned with that.

 

  1. Obstacles are bound to come your way

Today, most obstacles are internal. Obstacles can show up in your life in the form of fears, beliefs, people, or situations. You might see obstacles as proof that what they were planning to do isn’t working. But actually, successful people have learned the discipline of turning obstacles into opportunities. It starts with:snail stretched out crossing open gap between two rocks

  • perception (how we decide to see and understand what occurs around us, and what we decide it will mean;
  • action (dismantling the obstacle step by step with courage and creativity); and
  • will (invoking our power to push through challenging times with flexibility and resilience

This is where we get tested, and where we must know our “why” in order to be open to new insights, and course correcting to get to our desired goal.

You are now on the threshold of moving into an authentic life.

You may have been allowing your stories of how you got to where you are today to affect your choices and behaviors. It can be difficult to find meaningful patterns within the complexity that is your life. Your life isn’t a problem to be solved. Your purpose is present even now in all that complexity. We can wait to figure out our purpose, for what we want, or go out and create it. The choice is yours.

If you need someone to help hold space for you as you take on this journey, please reach out for a consult.

Negative self-talk is a habit you can break

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Stop sign to end negative self-talk

Negative self-talk – stop the habit.

All of us are subject to negative self-talk in the form of an inner critic. And that inner critic can talk faster than we can externally: 1300 words to our 200 words. Some of our self-talk is about things outside us. For example, when we find our lost keys, we might say to ourselves, “There they are.” But another part of our inner dialogue is about ourselves. For example, when we can’t find the keys, we might say something like, “You idiot; you’re always losing things.”

Self-talk is a habitual way of responding to our experience and unfortunately, it often takes the form of an inner critic who is very negative and pessimistic. For example, if you feel like you’re not getting the contract, the promotion, or the new job, your inner voice might say something like, “You’ll never get anywhere. You don’t know what you’re doing. Every time you try something, you fail.”  Or, you assume someone else’s behavior or actions are about you and have a negative meaning. For example, if someone you know doesn’t greet you at the store, your inner voice asks, “Why did I do? They are rude.” Or, “they don’t like me. I just can’t win.”

Negative thoughts make you feel anxious, sad or hopeless. These feelings, in turn, make it difficult to act constructively. And preoccupation with your negative emotions may even intensify them and trigger more negative thinking.

How our negative self-talk triggers our behavior

There are three ways our negative self-talk manifest in behavior:

  1. Overgeneralization or Catastrophizing
    Drawing a broad conclusion based on a single incident or insufficient evidence.
  2. Jumping to Conclusions (Mind Reading)
    Assuming we know what others are thinking and feeling.
  3. Shoulds
    Using inflexible rules about how we or others should act. We feel guilty when we violate these rules.

Confronting negative self-talk patternsStepping stones through reeds over water

In order to confront our negative self-talk, we need to take some steps.

Creating Distance

We can start by creating a bit of distance from them in order to recognize when and where we are having them. This means some self-reflection is necessary, and it can be done through journaling about your day and noticing your most extreme moments that you notice. Pay special attention to when you are exhausted or feeling depressed about your day because the self-talk at those points is a clue to your habitual thoughts. In creating distance, you can ask yourself whether you’re seeing things in a balanced way of both positive and negative experiences in our lives.

Testing reality of the self-talk

The next step is to begin to test the reality of the thoughts. In order to test whether your automatic thoughts are valid, ask yourself what is the evidence for and against your thoughts. Try writing down the evidence, both pro and con, to help you gain some distance from your thoughts as you become curious about whether things are as bleak as you think. For example, if your thought is “Things are always a mess in my life” you might list on the pro side the times when things were going smoothly and successfully.

Seeing alternative options, or “coming back to reality”

If you worked through the first 2 steps, you will arrive at an alternative interpretation of your experience (if you refuted the thought) or a more balanced thought that summarizes the valid points for and against (if the evidence was mixed).

By being curious about our self-talk, rather than refuting or indulging it, we can learn to see our situation in an accurate, yet hopeful, manner, and move our habits of thought toward more realistic reality. From there we can begin to practice positive self-talk.

You have the power to change negative self-talk. Take a month-long journey to reprogramming your mind with tips delivered to you daily, and change your self-talk from negative to positive. Please sign up today and take back your mind.

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