Blog - Page 2 of 9 - Sara Jane Lowry

4 Simple Secrets to Achieving Goals for a New Year New You!

January 8, 2021 by Sara Jane Lowry

Picture of a cabbage cactus with the phrase Make a revolution, not a resolution. If you are hungry for change and transformation. What do you really want? Are you ready to challenge your mindset? Do you need an advocate?

Here we are in 2021, and many of us start the year with renewed, or new goals and intentions in mind. Similarly, we are feeling inspired to create a life of purpose, growth, and intention. Or, we are eager to take our work to new heights of success and accomplishment. Secrets to achieving goals and intentions mean a closer look at your habits.

Most importantly, if we know anything from 2020, we know that life throws us curveballs. We are still facing the challenges of Covid-19 and figuring out how to work past them. Unfortunately, as with every new year, motivation often fades. Before long, achieving goals and intentions begin to droop as we reach March.

Part of setting goals and intentions is making sure that you have real clarity on the goal or intention and whether it is doable. Another key task is determining how you will measure your progress in achieving goals.

So, what are the ‘secrets’ to keeping those goals and intentions alive and thriving? How do you own the mental shift you need to make? Let’s consider a few:

The first and most important secret for achieving goals: Be accountable

You need an accountability system. This starts with owning your actions every day and using tools that help to remind yourself of the why behind setting those goals and intentions. Consider what your carrots and your sticks are that you will use (i.e. giving money to something/someone if you don’t meet your goals.
Determine how you will own your time, not giving it away to that which will not help you move closer to achieving goals and intentions.
- Take note of how you spend time on things that are not moving the dial. What are your priorities each day?
Stop making excuses. The fewer excuses you tolerate in yourself, the more your determination will grow. Excuses are usually related to the ego-self keeping you safe — and is simply not true. Therefore, you are not focused on what you love, but instead, on what you fear, which keeps you from achieving goals.
Ask yourself if this behavior reflects your values, or is in response to someone else’s agenda.
Do you value accountability in others? Why not be the kind of person you want others to be?
How to achieve goals means measuring your progress against your goals and intentions every day.

The narrative you carry that was formed at other points in your life no longer serves you. Are you only paying attention to the negative? When we embrace all of our traits, we become confident in our authentic self and do what is right regardless of the opinion of others. Here is a link to Deepak Chopra’s guidance to setting intentions.

Own who you are

Get an accountability partner

Sticky notes on mirror saying Get Shit Done, Don't give up, Don't waste your time, Be Yourself, Be Kind as a reminder to focus on goals

Get serious about achieving goals

Becoming mindful is key to transform ourselves, our work, our relationships, and our lives. Therefore, be intentional and committed to achieving your goals and intentions. Accept and embrace the actions of change that lie before you.

You may need an accountability partner (or several). An accountability partner will work if you trust them to know your goals and intentions and be both a cheerleader and a “drill sergeant who will hold you to your goals. You may want to consider a coach or you may have friends or colleagues that also have goals and intentions so you act as an accountability partner for them as well. How can I help you achieve your goals?

How to hold people accountable

September 9, 2019 by Sara Jane Lowry

“How to hold my people accountable?” is a question I hear from coaching clients. Their frustration level is usually high, and they are at their wit’s end. They’ve tried pleading with the staff, anger, telling the people they manage what and how to do their job, and in the end, everyone is miserable. So if you struggle with this you’re not alone.

Begin with a look at your own patterns

What example are you setting?
- Look in your own eyes and be honest with yourself:
  - Are you covering someone else’s responsibilities when they slack off? Is this the example you want to show the team?
  - And, are you being accountable to your own responsibilities? (which includes holding your people accountable and helping the team to succeed)?
It’s hard to begin something you haven’t been doing. So, consider:
- Is the team clear on the outcomes you seek?
- Layout your expectations with the team, and use milestone deadlines. By the same token, it’s not too late to do after the project has started. But do it in partnership with the team leader or staff. Have a real conversation, with ideas and strategies coming from them.
Is the leader, or team, actually capable of getting to the outcome?
- I see this a lot. In essence, are you (or are they) wishing they had the capability, or do you actually know if they have it? You may need to dig a bit to get an honest answer.
Clearly, holding people accountable can upset people if they are struggling, or not clear on balancing their priorities. If your first reaction is that you hate hurting people’s feelings by not accepting the lack of progress, it’s time for you to work on your own emotional intelligence in the situation. And, when you tune into their stress or disappointment, you have an opportunity to dig in deep to support a better outcome from your team.

Excuses from them, and your reactions

As a matter of fact, has excuse-making become the norm? Some of my clients tell me that it’s “Easier letting people off the hook than watching them struggle to explain”. Get to the bottom of this. Explore it with the person or the team.

Last, but not least of all, if you find yourself jumping to the conclusion that you need to let them go, spend time in the first 5 steps above, and make sure the problem isn’t within your style of management or fear of holding people accountable.

Here are some ways to reframe the process of holding people accountable:

#1. Think of accountability as an alliance. What you are actually doing is holding each other accountable — to reaching a goal that you both have.

Here is where you take time to discuss and clarify shared and non-shared responsibilities. For example, ask these questions:

What are we responsible for in this project?
Then, what am I responsible for in getting the project done?
And, what are you responsible for in achieving the outcome?

Above all, when you consider the responsibilities, discuss them in behavioral terms, not simply end results. A behavioral goal is solely focused on what you, and only you, are doing. Generally speaking, to hone in on a behavioral goal, think of your outcome goal, and then ask: “what would it take for you (not John, not Marcy…. you) to achieve this goal?”What do you have to do to make it happen? Those actions are your behavioral goals. In this way, you will be able to hold people accountable to their behaviors.

#2. Use accountability behaviors and practices.

Ask, “What can I do to support your success?”
Be sure that goal setting is done in partnership.
Define how behaviors impact results.
Assume responsibility for the success of your team.
Convince everyone that you’re committed to their success.

Keep in mind that your actions and choices are key here and would include such things as:

The way in which you communicate with others
How you spend your time
Your behavior and manners
The consideration and respect you show others
Your attitude and thoughts
The way you respond to challenge

#3. Define your accountability process – not just the end result.

Start with regular one-on-ones.
Set milestones together. What do you need to get done today or this week?
Share the weekly/monthly steps with the others on your team. Why? You want them as aware as you are when things are going south.

#4. You help them succeed. Don’t just focus on the numbers.

For the most part, if you’re a manager, you are a coach. The major focus of a leaders’ work is less centered on holding people accountable and constantly framed on helping them succeed. Moreover, show candor and expect discipline. Focus on their success by looking at skill and management development. As a result, they can assume ownership of the project more fully.

#5. Tell your team that you aren’t good at holding people and discuss how to practice it. Clearly, they are tied to your success. Importantly, when you show vulnerability, they too can be open with you. Together, you can forge a new relationship.

As shown above, a coach can help you get better at this. If you want to schedule 2 sessions with me on improving your skills at holding people accountable, mention this article and I’ll give you a third one for free.

Under Stress?

August 19, 2019 by Sara Jane Lowry

It feels like you are stuck in the same cycle of behavior or situations when you are under stress. Do you find yourself with the same negative emotions, challenges, and issues, unable to take the steps you need to change or move on? We’re all capable of making the same mistakes over and over, because, under stress, we tend to retreat to habits of emotion regulation formed as a child. Our habits rule under high stress especially when our brains are overtaxed from physical or mental exhaustion. And what is showing up? Impulsiveness, poor judgment, self-obsession, and volatile feelings.

Clients often talk with me about their stress, relating it to the idea of time management, and not accomplishing what they set out to do. When that happens, I ask them to share what competing items are at play. Sample answers might be:

You want to build your business, but you want to spend time with your kids.
Or, you want to step up to your potential, but you’re afraid of really being seen.
Maybe you want to delegate, but you’re afraid it will be a disaster if someone else does the presentation.
You know you’re really good at what you do, but you are unwilling to tell people that
Or, you want to lose weight, but you want to stuff those negative feelings down.

What our brain is doing under stress

brain under stress showing emotions and connections

Under stress, our emotions rule, not the thinking brain. So, we blow off work, or we work all weekend rather than delegate. We hide behind the image people have of us or we eat the whole carton of ice cream. Under stress, it’s often extremely difficult to consider anyone else’s feeling but our own. So we decide to go have drinks with friends because we are unable to see that the person who is waiting for our work is now behind in their project. Of course, it’s a passive-aggressive move to do that. We learned in childhood to assert our autonomy in this way. After that, they start pressuring us, and the whole stress cycle begins again. The situation is now interconnected to our nonthinking brain, and theirs!

The other thing we do under stress is to remember every bad thing that happened in a similar situation. Your feelings feel permanent and unchangeable, and therefore, so does your situation, your relationship, or your weight. You would have filed that situation under “danger” in your brain, and similar situations or emotions arise, your brain triggers negative emotions, leading to negative behaviors.

Who is in control, me or stress!

What are some ways to get our minds back under control, and make better choices? First, mindfulness. Mindfulness is when we begin to look at what is happening to us emotionally, and physically when we feel stressed. It means bringing ourselves to right now. For instance, when your mind starts remembering the last time something like this happened, stop and breathe, and focus on this moment. Stay in the present. Check out some of the ideas on physical things you can do at this link. And in my previous post, I talked about burnout.

Secondly, learn to accept oneself and the current situation. More specifically, learn how to tolerate or survive crises using these four techniques: distraction, self-soothing, improving the moment, and thinking of pros and cons. This means having some self-awareness and experimenting in seeing what works specifically for you. Get up and take a walk and take deep breaths. Distracting yourself means NOT talking to someone else about it and complaining – that’s not mindful of the present moment. Self-soothing might mean eating something good (but healthy) or getting a massage.

Third, you can learn how to be assertive in a relationship like saying no or negotiating more time. And fourth, take a moment to recognize negative emotions (for example, anger) and think through healthy emotional expression. After that, let the negative emotions pass through you as you stay focused on THIS moment, not all the things you are imagining. and then imagine expressing yourself in an assertive but positive way.

We are wired to act under stress

Our brains are wired to need some stress in order to take action. In fact, performance peaks under moderate levels of stress. But we also know that being under high stress for too long is damaging. Above all, if you get your stress under control, and remember that the ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance and happiness, you will no longer feel like you are stuck in habitual behaviors.

If you need help managing your stress reaction, reach out and sign up for a coaching session or two. Your work and happiness deserve a less stressed you!

Achieve your goals daily with these 3 things.

August 14, 2019 by Sara Jane Lowry

Are you achieving your goals every day? If not, then read on. The next 3 minutes will set your mind to creating a new day for yourself. If you are truly ready to attain your goals faster, by doing more in less time, then you need to plan your day and track your goals. Maybe you think you already do that? Let’s take a moment to consider:

are you frustrated feeling like your day controls you, instead of the other way around?
have “urgent” or “important” tasks pop up every day that get you off track?
keep putting off personal desires or time with family and friends?
feel sometimes like you’ll never achieve the life you dream of and long to feel more satisfied, content, and joyful about your life?

What do you need to do to achieve your daily goals?

You need more clarity than you have now, with a clear system for setting and achieving daily goals, a plan for how to get there, and daily time management to keep you on track.

achieve your goals daily by tracking your time

We are all busy, right? And busyness is the plague of our times. Consequently, busyness will never equate to the actual achievement of your goals. Sometimes, we don’t have the choice of delegating to someone, but in many cases, we are perfectionists and want it done our way. In addition, we tend to want to “control” how something is done. Do you really need to do every little thing?

Success requires discipline. Of course, it is also HARD to achieve your goals if you don’t know what to focus on, you don’t know how to hire people to assist you, and you don’t have the right systems and processes in place.

So, let’s get started on the 3 things to achieve your daily goals

First: Vision Statement Clarity
- Start with a picture of your ideal life using words and images. Then, structure your goals around it so you have your vision to inspire you daily. KNOW WHAT FUELS YOU!
Next: Goal setting
- We’ve all heard of SMART goals, right? Of course, you make sure they are measurable and time-bound, and actionable. For example, you could set a goal of retiring by age 55, but without making it actionable, and setting measurable achievable goals and how much you will accomplish each year, it might remain a pipe dream. So, here are some questions you might ask yourself:
  - What exactly do I want to achieve?
    How? (what will I need to make it happen?)
    By when? (and then work backward to today)
    What are the conditions and limitations?
    Why exactly do I want to reach this goal? What are the possible alternative ways of achieving the same?

Balancing your priorities to achieve your goals. Rocks on top of each other.

You may need to make some tough decisions here. It may mean traveling for work and being away part of the week or living in a smaller house so you can save. And, it may mean giving up what feels safe for something unknown.

This is where you intend to be a time master

Third: Daily Planning
- Above all, this means you stop “winging your day” and make sure you carve out time (10 minutes) in each half of the day to check in with yourself to see if you’re still on track.
- In addition, learn when your high-energy time is and don’t waste it.
- Prioritize your to-do list. Are you focusing on the top 20% that will move you toward your goals? Are you failing to delegate? It also means deciding what’s the most important task even when everything on your list feels crucial. Decision-making skills are key to achieving your goals. Go through your list. Want to get ruthless with your list? Check out this post by Zapier!
- Are you tracking your time in your calendar? Are you setting expectations for each hour? Or are you succumbing to the demands of others for your time?
- Plan your work and personal tasks, self-care, gratitude, exercise, family time.
- Be focused and disciplined. If you know you need 30 minutes to get something done, stop complaining, or procrastinating, or going for a coffee break. It means deciding not to do things you’d really like to do. Make the break your reward for your focus.

If you are struggling with this, consider getting a coach. It’s not a sign of weakness. A coach can coach help you uncover those talents and passions that will then reveal to you your true purpose in life, help you to cut through all that chaos, and zero in on what you really, truly want, get motivated, and keep you accountable. If this sounds like something you need, make an appointment today for an exploration session!

Overcoming Overwhelm

August 5, 2019 by Sara Jane Lowry

Stress shooting out of a clock showing overwhelm and stress.

You are here because you’re feeling overwhelmed, or burned out. What is the first solution everyone tells us: “time management.” Time Management or “overcoming overwhelm” is really about knowing your priorities. So, you’re feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps you think you have too many priorities. For instance, when was the last time you tracked how you are spending time? If you spend a week tracking your time in 15-minute increments, you are able to see where your time is going. And, you will begin to see why you are in a state of overwhelm and burnout.

You will need to know the whole story of how you spend your time, from the time you rise to the time you go to bed.
To clarify, doing a time study isn’t the same as looking at your meeting schedule because you aren’t tracking the interruptions, travel, and other things.
Where does fear show up in your schedule? What are you avoiding doing that would serve your priorities better?
Does your work ethic match your aspirations? Your data will give you insights about how you could align your time.
What’s urgent and what’s important? Knowing the difference can help you stop feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

Time Money/Resources and Quality Triangle

On any project, there is something fixed, like a deadline. So the other two items (quality and resources) have to flex to meet the deadline. Or, it might be that money and resources are fixed, so you need to be flexible on Time and Quality.

If you feel overwhelmed, ask these questions

What will your ideal day and week look like?
How many hours do you want to work?
What strategic elements do you want them to have?
Are you balancing home and friends with work?

First, you need your vision for how you would like your week to look. After that, you can begin to determine what the differences are between your current week and your ideal week.

As a result, you may have to set boundaries, step outside your comfort zone, learn to delegate, stop micromanaging, and settle for less than perfect. You may want to have time to be creating intellectual property (book, seminar, workshop). So, are you making time in your schedule for it or giving that time away? If you’re feeling overwhelmed at work:

Do you need to hire someone to relieve you of certain tasks so you can focus on your priorities?
What are the nonurgent interruptions that you need to say no to?
Should you assert yourself with others to set boundaries?
Are you doing things more perfectly than they need to be done?
Is there someone else who could have done it?
Did it have to be done now?
And most importantly, how strategic was this activity in reaching your goals?

Changes to alleviate feeling overwhelmed

When you start to see how you spend your time, you can begin to make changes to stop the burnout. First, how will you start using your time to put your strategic priorities in action? It is hard to say no to opportunity. So, what do you need to say no to now? And keep in mind, sometimes it is better to say no than to accept a bad deal that will inevitably lead to future conflict.

Above all, it’s time for new behaviors. Can you check email just twice a day? What can you delegate? Are there meetings you don’t need to go to that you can send someone else to? Can you limit certain times a day that you are available for interruption except for key people?

A really tough question to ask yourself is if you’re addicted to fighting fires and drama. Do you have the systems and processes in place to keep those fires from happening? Is it possible that you need to feel absolutely essential – they can’t do it without you? Do you have the belief that you need to please people? How can you reframe these beliefs? This is where working with a coach would lead you to the baby steps you need to make to reach a new outcome.

The word Burnout with flames and smoke showing overwhelm

Be honest with yourself

Be honest about all the roles you are playing, especially if you are an entrepreneur. For example, if you’re the CEO, are you playing the role of bookkeeping, product development, marketing and more? Perhaps, it’s time to make a plan to determine a timeline for hiring or delegating those roles. How much is your time worth that could be generating relationships or sales, or seeking investment, that you are spending doing other activities that it would be more cost-effective to hire someone else to do?

Meanwhile, if you’re a nonprofit leader, you have the challenge of not being able to hire and delegate to alleviate the stress and overwhelm. So the task becomes one of how to maximize your volunteer force. Are you thinking systematically on how you are spending your day and how you can use volunteers? What can you delegate to a board committee? Do you have systems and processes in place? What do you do to relieve stress and recharge every day, during the day?

Whichever path you are on, given all these questions about your overwhelm and priorities, it’s now time to create your own accountability plan. So, make a list for yourself of what you will choose to do differently, and by when. And, how will you hold yourself accountable each week?

Ask yourself daily, is this where I can have the most impact? Is it going to make my life out of balance or keep me from what is important? You are the gatekeeper, and answerable to yourself. Focus on your top 5 things, and look to delegate.

In conclusion, if you’re experiencing “burnout” and feeling exhausted, schedule a 20-minute call and see what working with a coach can do to help you realign your life. Stop tolerating so much. I guarantee you will see a new path to your future.