Sara Jane Lowry

Coaching and Consultation

20 guiding habits to finding work you love

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chalkboard with words I love my work and my work loves me. The word heart is actually a symbol of a heart.20 guiding habits to finding work you love

Finding work you love is everyone’s ideal. Sadly, less than a third of Americans report doing work they love. I am fortunate to work with clients every day that are on a journey to a new future for themselves and their work. In fact, they are talking about a future that they find authentic and meaningful; not without challenges, but inspired and impactful. They are each growing in their careers or starting new businesses. They are changing careers or leading new companies. But there some similarities between their paths that they are learning, or have learned to live by in this journey.  I call them the guiding habits for creating or manifesting work you love.

20 guiding habits

  1. Think big.Have a big vision of what you intend to accomplish from the get-go. Get out of your head trash and go to the place that causes your hands to shake because it would be exciting and scary. Stop listening to the people who say you can’t.
  2. Don’t play small. When your vision isn’t big enough, you only accomplish the middle of the dream. Sometimes your idea of “realistic” is really code for not knowing how to get there, or a mindset that it’s not possible. Sure, you can stay there for a little while, but go back to #1 – inspire yourself.
  3. Fail big. Fail often. Fear of failure is a waste of time. I get it, failure stings. Actually, it’s not a failure when you learn from it. Better to do it soon though, before giving away your time, which isn’t a renewable resource. Remember your strengths. Most of all, take time to assess – but don’t stay there.
  4. Value your time more than money. So don’t waste your time on the 80% (Pareto’s 80/20 principle), or on networking without connecting the dots.
  5. Invest in yourself. Get a coach and a mentor. Sign up webinars and classes. Read every day. Because there’s not enough time to learn it all on your own.blank book opened to a page that says A little space to be creative
  6. Creativity is key to your success. Actually, it’s a mindset change. It requires putting yourself into a state of absorption, and fearlessness. Be a maverick. Get out of your ruts. Learn to rest and recharge.
  7. Focus on your strengths. You can spend a lot of time focused on trying to improve your weaknesses. If they are relational, work on them. Otherwise, outsource your weaknesses and the things you hate doing. Stop thinking no one can do it as well as you – delegate!
  8. Do uncomfortable things. If it’s comfortable, you know you’re not pushing enough. Sometimes setting goals is the first place to push yourself. A little discomfort leads to productivity.
  9. Speak up. If you don’t tell the world what you are doing or thinking, they won’t know about it. Contribute your observations or successes to your team, to your customers, and to your community.
  10. Get others to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This goes hand in hand with #11.
  11. Be vulnerable. Let people in. Since the state of being vulnerable can be an act of courage, this kind of risk-taking isn’t passive but instead, is actively being willing to put it out there in reaching for the greatest rewards as you define it.
  12. Promote yourself. Just do it a genuine way. Bring your whole self. Don’t wait to be seen. Write, comment, vlog.
  13. Your competitors are your role models. Study and learn from them. It’s where you will recognize not only how you’re different, but how they interact internally, externally, and ethically and how you interact.
  14. See yourself as a contributor in your field. Don’t exclude yourself because you are new or inexperienced. When you’re new, you see things with fresh eyes and fresh ideas.
  15. Take care of yourself. This is a long journey. You need healthy mind, body, and heart. Make your own self-care plan and stick to it. It’s not a badge of honor to be exhausted.
  16. Find a powerful support group.A mastermind. A small group of like-minded colleagues. Find people who will help you grow, make connections, truly see you, and keep you accountable.
  17. Find inspiration and guidance in those who have mastered what you are trying to accomplish. Reach out to them. Follow them on social media. Doing work you love is a journey of discovery.
  18. Share your expertise freely. Give more than you take. Don’t hoard information. Let people learn from you. The more you give, the more you receive – in relationships and inspiration.
  19. Pursue your passion for its fire, inventiveness and life force. Your inspiration is what gives you the fuel you need even in the dark days. Don’t let anyone dampen it.
  20. Nurture patience. Finding/doing work that you love is a process. No one is an overnight success. There will be down days. (see #3, #8)

Mindset and heart space

Remember that your mindset and attitudes underpin the whole journey to doing work you love.  Creation and manifestation are acts of courage. In making a transition, it’s not just understanding the past, but what you can change about it to move on. For many people, uncertainty can overwhelm: it can be difficult to see which path to take, in the midst of change or transition. So, stop going it alone. Ask for help. And bring your hesitancy, your disappointed, overwhelmed, or confused self on a new journey toward the life you deserve. When you allow yourself to deeply listen to yourself, you will gain clarity and passion for doing work you love.

Self-awareness — how well do you know yourself?

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Brown box with lid open stuffed with black and white photographs of relatives and a baby. Self-awareness begins with knowing your lifelong patternsSelf-awareness is critical to success. How well do you know yourself?

Stay with me here.

We are talking about something much greater and of higher consequence. I am asking about who you are at your core, what most matters to you, what makes you come alive, what feeds your soul and what drains your spirit, and how to know the difference so you choose well as you give your best energy, and commitment to something.

If you are lacking a lot of self-awareness, you may still live a life somewhat in alignment with who you are but only by accident or sheer stroke of luck. And you may be living a life that doesn’t fit. What if you could be certain that you live in alignment with who you are not by accident or luck, but rather on purpose, by intention, by design.

How? By getting improving your self-awareness and getting to know yourself really well. One way to do that is to learn your values, passions, and goals. Another is to ask the right questions. (More about that later.)

In my coaching practice, I’ve been working with people how to create better lives for themselves which in turn changes their work, their relationships, and their happiness. They have grown their “self-awareness” quotient and:

  • gotten clarity on their life’s purposeSign stating a list: live full, create happiness, speak kindly, hug daily, smile often, hope more, laugh freely, seek truth, inspire change, love deeply. Missing from the list is grow your self-awareness.
  • determined where they want to go in their career or business
  • boosted their incomes
  • deepened their relationships
  • connected with their gifts

Self-awareness and Mindset

I am so passionate about how we can create the right life for ourselves by first knowing who we are, and then creating the right mindset. So, your mind believes anything you tell it. Is it true? Let’s see.

What is it that you tell yourself all day long? You might be exceptional but most of us walk around saying relatively negative criticisms to ourselves or about ourselves.

Let’s say someone asks you whether you can run a marathon or you can give up dessert for a week. Usually, we hedge unless we’ve already done it. Sometimes the response is immediately I can’t.  I can’t learn that or do that. Or you hear yourself saying “I can’t take this anymore” but don’t take action. That phrase “I can’t” is part of our everyday dialogue and that is your message to your mind.

So, how well do you know yourself?

Your mind says “ I can’t do that well, so we’re not going to even bother because I know I can’t do that”. You’ve already woven a story that your mind believes. As you repeat this over time it becomes a fact to you. It becomes the truth whereas it’s really just something you’ve been telling yourself.

Some of you know that I used to be an opera singer in my early career life. At that time, I had a personal transformation in my singing journey that I still to this day cannot believe I am able to do because the story I had been telling myself was so powerful.

Singing the role of the Noemie, Stepsister of Cinderella in Massenet's Cendrillon, with my foot on the stool holding the glass sliipper
Singing Noemie in Massenet’s Cendrillon

I remember a voice teacher telling me that I would have to be able to sing notes higher than a high “C” (think Pavarotti’s high notes) if I wanted it to be a good one in performance.  Of course, when my voice was younger, that wasn’t too much of a problem. But as my voice and body matured, my voice was no longer light but instead had a richer, darker middle and lower note capacity which added “weight” to the sound. And it’s hard to take that weight up high.

Now, of course, I know that my body can do this but the first time it happened I had to convince my mind that I was capable of doing this. In reality, my body was already there. My teacher said your body has no limitations on doing this at this point in your singing journey but my mind had been keeping me from doing so because I have been telling myself the same story of “I can’t.” I was trying to sing it but my mind didn’t think I could do it. My mind wasn’t ready to change the outcome.

Knowing yourself and what the mind believes

So what is it that you’re telling yourself all day long that you cannot do, that you don’t know how to do, or what to do, or whatever other negative phrases that you’re using? How well do you know yourself?

Remember: your mind listens and believes you and then uses that as a fact to run your life in a misguided effort to protect you.

You can send it a different message.

You can choose to believe in a different story: a story of being a confident person who CAN make changes and choose differently, and seeing that there is a deeper truth than you’re believing about yourself.

Change your mind on how you see yourself and see how that will integrate into so many better results in your life. Start to question those beliefs. Get to really know yourself.

The opportunity has never been greater to…Neon sign saying Do Something Great which is possible when you have self-awareness

  • Show up as the people we have grown into becoming
  • Sustain thriving relationships
  • Discover and follow our highest calling
  • Create prosperous careers aligned with our values
  • Experience radiant health and vitality
  • Live in ways that are spiritually connected
  • Ignite and empower others to step forward into their greatness
  • Be catalysts and change agents shaping the future of our world

Happiness is when we have clarity of purpose, our work and relationships are meaningful, we have health and vitality, we feel connected to the Universe – in other words, we are in alignment.

If you take this journey, you will realize that: you are a unique human of this world. Are you brilliant, wise, and generous? Perhaps you are perceptive and fascinating. Know this: you are gifted and talented beyond your knowing. You are beyond capable to do what you dream. It starts with getting to know yourself and changing your mind.

Power of Thought – Manifest a Better Reality

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looking at sky up through the middle of 4 walls of a building indicating the power of thought to change your realityPower of Thought – Manifest a Better Reality

Power of Thought – Manifest a Better Reality is the name of a new series I am offering starting in January. Thoughts are incredibly powerful, affecting us whether they are conscious or not. They can help or hinder how we live our lives in a way that makes us happy. Sometimes we attach negative thoughts and reactions to our current reality that make us anxious and depressed. And our inner critic uses them against us.

Where you are in your life is never who you are.  It’s more a reflection of your thoughts and beliefs, priorities that you haven’t acknowledged, or unmade choices.

So, stop explaining and justifying where you are and how you got here. That’s focusing on the past. All you need to know at this point is where you’re starting from at this moment:

  • Is the life you are living something you’re not wild about?
  • Do you feel like you’re going around in circles with nothing you’re doing gaining any traction?
  • Do you find yourself constantly looking for something better than what you have right now?

Your thoughts create your feelings.picture of rain and a leaf on the road showing the power of thought when we get anxious or depressed

There are thoughts and perceptions you have of your life that are negative or self-critical.  Thoughts like these are quietly snaking across your mind automatically, with no effort on your part. And, they have a huge impact on how you are feeling. You think these thoughts are real, and therefore, the feelings that accompany them are real. But they are often just habitual ways of thought that set up an emotional reaction that’s negative.

Yes, bad things do happen and life can really hammer us at times. Yes, people can be cruel and thoughtless too. We can’t change those things, but we can change how we think about them. We can change our hidden beliefs and self-values too.  And when you change your thinking, you change your happiness, your outlook on life, and your journey.

Start right now with a new attitude

The power of thought is in learning to recognize the negative ones and change them.  Your journey to manifesting a better reality starts with living and doing your best where you are right now. And that starts with your attitude. Your attitude of gratitude for what you currently have, seeing it as a stepping stone on your journey, and making the best of your current situation.  It means giving it your full attention. This is when new opportunities start to present themselves. Most of my readers know I’m a huge advocate of daily meditation which can also improve your moods and mental states.

What you think, say, and do are the pivot points that can change your life and help you manifest a better reality. Those old ways of thinking, or talking about yourself or to yourself, or acting in self-destructive ways misaligned with the person you value, don’t serve you now.

Automatic thinkingdistorted figure through glass showing the power of thought when it is distorted thinking

Cognitive distortions (the basis of cognitive behavioral therapy) affect most of us. If you struggle with black and white thinking, jumping to negative conclusions, catastrophizing, perfectionism, labeling yourself negatively, and rejecting positive experiences, you can learn to become aware of those automatic and powerful patterns and change them as they happen.

One secret to happiness to set modest goals and accomplish them.

  • If you are a perfectionist (which is really fear-based) on how your goals are accomplished, or you procrastinate in going after them, you will increase your misery quotient.
  • It requires a mental strength to not give in to your habitual patterns. So, changing that pattern begins with self-respect.
  • The power of thought gets flipped when you start analyzing what you gain or lose by having a habitual thought. When you give up perfectionism and procrastination, or not acting on something where you don’t know the outcome in advance, you gain a chance to manifest a new reality.
  • If you want to change your inner critic, begin writing down what it says and when, and write a different thought. Practice telling that inner voice no or stop!

How does the power of thought work?red sign saying No indicating the power of thought when you can't say no

I work with a lot of women who find themselves doing more and more because they have difficulty saying “no” even when they’re asked to do something that isn’t in their best interest. Your hidden belief might be “I must always do what people ask me to do” because (1) it makes me feel needed, or (2) they won’t like me if I say “no”; or (3) I don’t have to worry about someone being upset with me; or (4) doing what people expect of me makes me feel in control.

But you don’t look at what you lose by doing that: (1) that you compromise your time to do something you really don’t want to do; (2) you never know if someone really just likes you for who you are; (3) you give others power over you in avoiding the threat of disappointment; and (4) you never have to figure out what you really want because you are always working to please others.

Changing this personal belief system requires that you write a new belief such as: “I enjoy when someone approves of me but I don’t need it to make choices that fit my own goals and enhance my self-respect.”

Join me on a journey of powerful thought recognition and creating a new reality

If you want to live 2018 differently, you need to start with changing your thoughts. Join me on a month-long daily thought-journey to help you identify what types of negative thoughts you are caught in, and begin a new path to manifesting a new reality for yourself. Sign up today!

 

Coaching can promote your career to the next level

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coachingGetting to the next level through coaching

Think coaching is only for senior leadership? You appear to have missed one of the biggest ways leaders improve their skills and performance. Working with a coach may help push you up the ranks too.

When you move up the ranks, you will be having a different level of conversation from what you’re having now. You will be expected to think and make decisions about subjects not in your own expertise or skill sets, and you will be expected to lead people whose job you couldn’t necessarily do yourself. You’re now in a team or group of leaders that help transform the company or nonprofit and are no longer just fullfilling your own function area. Sometimes you will need to deliver difficult messages, and navigating the politics at this level requires new skills.

Working with a coach focused on you

Working with a coach provides a safe and confidential place to share your challenges with someone who is qualified to help you. A good coach helps you to find your own path as well as decide on your management style, all in a Coaching focused on yousupportive environment without judgement.  Coaching is non-judgmental listening – helping people to think through the decisions they are in. People often have artificial obstacles in their mind. Coaching can help people reframe issues, so they can resolve those problems.

Recently I worked with an executive director who came in as president of a large nonprofit. She was struggling to work out how to work with flat organizational chart, especially given that funding was in peril for an important division.  So, instead of working with the chart as it currently stood, we instead wrote the chart as would be serve the highest potential of the organization.  We went from 12 direct reports to 4, one of which was a position that did not exist previously. She then began to rewrite titles and responsibilities, and determine who best fit those roles. The obstacle was thinking she needed to work with the current situation, rather than transforming it.

Building your interpersonal style through coaching

Most leaders must rely on their influencing skills to win people over in getting them passionate about the next strategy, or to discuss new ideas, and coaching to perfect your interpersonal style can be very useful. It’s particularly important for developing relationships with investors, donors, and partners. It allows you to think about how you are going to take others with with you when they don’t always trust the message or strategy.

Like seeing a therapist, the relationship between coach and client is confidential. The coach helps the client outline the goals they set to become a leader, and discussing the ROI they want to deliver in terms of impact.

Are you the next leader?

With increasing focus on having a more diverse leadership team and companies are looking into talent pools that they may have previously dismissed. Nonprofit executives are retiring, and boards often think they need to go outside the organization for the next leader.  Instead, companies and nonprofit benefit when get people ready for leadership roles.  And coaching can help develop people who may have all the firepower, but not all the leadership skills or experience.

Coaching helps leaders  to self-reflect. To be really effective, they have to know who they are and what their motivation is. This is a skill that any person can use in lifting their career path.  When we’re connected to our strengths, we find the fire we need to lead.

Fresh start: It’s time to awaken to our potential to live authentically

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circular stairs highest potentialWe need a fresh start and conscious awakening. If you’re like me, your lives are flooded with information from every direction.  And we have become very good at selecting the information we choose to let in, to affect us, to learn from, to judge others and ourselves by, and to believe. We filter that information by choice on how it fits our beliefs, our experiences, our worldview, and our desires. Inevitably, we reject the information that doesn’t seem to directly fit. Thus, if we find ourselves reacting to the content of information and it makes us feel uncomfortable, or afraid, or helpless, we reject it, or get angry, or pretend we didn’t see it.

Dead or alive?dead or alive

As we are all connected on a deeper human level, we can’t pretend we didn’t consume it. Unfortunately, that information remains inside of us and shows up as an unconscious worry, doubt, anxiety and depression. Or, we experience feelings that bubble up related to that information, but don’t know why.  Most of all, we just want to stop feeling that way. We feel brittle, ghost-like. So, we try to ignore the feelings: we eat, drink, anaesthetize ourselves with medication, with shopping or trips, with mindless entertainment. Or it shows up as anger, lack of compassion, lack of focus. In ways that matter, we begin to deaden ourselves. It’s as if we will ourselves into stressful, reactionary, unhappy and frantic lives. As Sigmund Freud said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”  And as we suffer, so do our families, our colleagues, and our communities. When that happens, we become less than our true selves. We no longer are living our highest potential.

It’s time for a fresh start – to awaken

When you go through a conscious awakening, you undergo a period of intense change and revelation in your fresh start awakeninglife.

If every day is an awakening, you will never grow old. You will just keep growing. – Gail Sheehy

Conscious awakening doesn’t mean that you shut out the information, the news, the situations we face. So, it requires that we take a step back for a moment and find a breath of distance.  A breath of distance is when we stop and breathe and focus fully on what we are seeing, hearing, reading. Perhaps, we listen fully to the person who is speaking. Since the breath allows us to find clarity, we can make a choice on how we want to respond.  When we choose a breath of distance, we move past the urge to complain – complaining is a negative release of energy that disempowers us. Or it releases stress, anxiety, and anger.

Consciousness leads t0 intuitively and creatively taking action

Christof Koch, Chief Scientific Officer at the Allen Institute for Brain Science, tells us: “Consciousness is a fundamental property of the universe. Wherever there is integrated information, there is experience.” The more we move to being conscious, the more we understand ourselves and the world. A conscious awakening begins with a quiet moment as we go inside to question our beliefs and reactions. Here you find answers to your suffering and can make peace within moments of silence. Most importantly, this is where you will recognize your spirit, your purpose, and your ability to choose. What reflects your highest potential? As we begin to figure out whether we can change something and how, we can take conscious action. Or, sometimes we choose to surrender to the situation within ourselves. A fresh start might mean walking away in order to go within, or working with a coach on mindfulness.

All humans connect through consciousness. So, how we think, act, react, and believe ripples out from us into the world and affects others. Consequently, we have a responsibility to one another to respond to the world from a place of consciousness.

Today is a new day. Fresh start, begins now.awaken fresh start

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