Sara Jane Lowry

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Impostor Syndrome is harder for Women

April 23, 2018 by Sara Jane Lowry Leave a Comment

Coffee conversation about Impostor Syndrome and Women

When it comes to business, I really (really!) believe in valuing your expertise and growing your worth.

YOUR SELF-WORTH.
YOUR NET-WORTH.

I was having coffee recently with a group of women entrepreneurs who were discussing the ways that they feel like an impostor. Each of them talked about the struggling to work through their self-doubts and sense of not owning their success. Their feelings were especially prevalent in an environment that doesn’t seem to recognize women’s success the same as men’s success.

For example, some of them work in coworking spaces where men seem to “high-five” one another’s successes while their female colleague’s success goes unnoticed. Some of them work in the tech field where they are talked down to, and investment dollars take 3 times as long to get. They’re not an impostor, and neither are you. But, in settings like these, it’s easy to lose a sense of what you’ve accomplished.

Unfortunately, all the Imposter ‘inner doubt talk’ is creating unnecessary stress

What opportunities will you miss out on if you don’t overcome your inner critic’s voice from owning your experience, success, ideas, and passion and calling you an imposter?

Recognizing that inner critic’s false statements as separate from real reality is a challenging change, but one that can be done.

  • A client shared with me that she created a “reality check file” where she tracked her Complement file for confronting Impostor Syndromeaccomplishments, praise, testimonials and more. You can include big and small things. Include things that you were afraid to do, but went after and achieved. It might be as simple as going to a networking event. Or it might be as big as quitting your job to pursue your own business. Write down how you think you achieved these successes. And include what thoughts you kept in mind as you made it work for you.
  • I’ve seen the practice of calling that inner critic by another name as incredibly helpful.  That inner critic thinks it’s protecting you, but it’s covering up low esteem (feelings of being unworthy, incapable, and incompetent). When you see those ‘impostor’ words coming into your mind, begin to recognize the trigger that woke up your inner critic. Call your critic by its name (not yours) and counter it’s argument with your “reality check file” data. Tell me below the name you call your inner critic!
  • Yes, you may have benefitted by luck in some cases.  However, I am pretty certain you also worked at building your network, getting recognized, collaborating, and getting advice. You try new things, and ultimately attracting that luck into your life with action and perseverance. No imposter would have worked this hard!
  • Practice accepting compliments. I can’t repeat this one enough. Look the person in the eye who just offered a compliment and say thank you. Or say “My hard work has really paid off, and I’m so happy with the results.” And don’t add any negative qualifiers. Just accept it. You’re not an impostor.

YOU are the one who needs to accept your successes.

Stop waiting for someone to notice, instead invite a few friends to come out and help you celebrate whatever it is. Own it.

Celebrate that you're no longer an Impostor: confetti, card saying Amazing

Please don’t spend any more days thinking you are an impostor, denying your brilliance and the credit you deserve. Stop attributing the factors of your success to something outside of yourself. And stop waiting for other people to notice – when you are enthusiastic about your success, shout it to the rooftops.  In the end, it’s up to you to accept your success on an internal AND external level.

Filed Under: Coaching, Executive Director, Potential, Solopreneur

Impostor Syndrome and Women – a club about faking it

March 9, 2018 by Sara Jane Lowry Leave a Comment

Woman lying on grass with Groucho Marx eyebrows, mustache, and glasses as representing impostor syndromeImpostor Syndrome and Women

If you feel like an impostor, tell me if any of this sounds like the way you talk about your success:

  • I was just in the right place at the right time
  • It’s just a matter of time before they find out I don’t really know how to do this work
  • I just work harder and longer than most I know
  • I just think they like my energy and passion
  • I don’t deserve this (title, award, position, salary)
  • I won’t charge too much because I won’t be able to get another client
  • I don’t want to post this on social media because someone won’t like it

I work with lots of women, and I would guess that on a deeper level, some version of these narratives will sound familiar to you. Impostor syndrome isn’t exclusive to women, but it affects them more due to social norms that have upheld old stereotypes about men’s work versus women’s work, often the bar is set higher in proving their capacity, the challenges of working in fields dominated by men, and very real bias in equal pay for equal work, etc.Deadpool costume as symbol of impostor

Unfortunately, all the inner talk is creating unnecessary psychological stress related to:

  • Earning less money which might limit you from doing what you want to do in your life
  • Unwillingness to find mentors and contacts who will help you achieve your goals
  • Not getting recognition and related income for your work
  • Holding back from new situations in which you make mistakes and grow
  • Settling for dead-end jobs that don’t really use your skills and passions

New habits and mindsets to offset those impostor thoughts

What opportunities will you miss out on if you don’t overcome your inner critic’s voice from owning your experience, success, ideas, and passion? Recognizing that inner voice’s false statements as separate from reality is a challenging change, but one that can be done.

  1. Create a “fact file” where you track your accomplishments, praise, testimonials and more. Include big and small things. Write down how you think you achieved them, and ask whether they are true.
  2. Begin to call that inner critic by another name – it thinks it’s protecting you, but it’s covering up low esteem. When you see those words coming in your mind – begin to recognize the trigger, call it by a name (like the fraud police) and counter it’s impostor argument with your fact file data.
  3. Yes, you may have ridden a tide of luck in some cases, however, my guess is that you also worked at building your network, collaborating, getting advice, and rode the wave with action and perseverance.
  4. Practice accepting compliments. By that I mean, look the person in the eye who just offered a compliment, and say thank you. Or “My hard work has really paid off, and I’m so happy with the results.”
  5. You are the one who needs to accept your successes. So, instead of waiting for someone to notice, invite someone to come out and help you celebrate whatever it is. Own your reality.Job interview and owning your power

You’ve spent too many days denying your brilliance and the credit you deserve. Stop attributing the factors of your success to something outside of yourself. It’s up to you to accept your success on a gut level, rather than a head level. Stop judging yourself. Understanding and undoing your self-limiting beliefs about how brilliant and competent you are isn’t a one-time event – it’s a journey of change.  You can start today by signing up for this month-long series of motivational prompts.

Filed Under: Coaching, Potential Tagged With: impostor syndrome, inner critic, self-esteem; believing in yourself

20 guiding habits to finding work you love

February 18, 2018 by Sara Jane Lowry Leave a Comment

chalkboard with words I love my work and my work loves me. The word heart is actually a symbol of a heart.20 guiding habits to finding work you love

Finding work you love is everyone’s ideal. Sadly, less than a third of Americans report doing work they love. I am fortunate to work with clients every day that are on a journey to a new future for themselves and their work. In fact, they are talking about a future that they find authentic and meaningful; not without challenges, but inspired and impactful. They are each growing in their careers or starting new businesses. They are changing careers or leading new companies. But there some similarities between their paths that they are learning, or have learned to live by in this journey.  I call them the guiding habits for creating or manifesting work you love.

20 guiding habits

  1. Think big.Have a big vision of what you intend to accomplish from the get-go. Get out of your head trash and go to the place that causes your hands to shake because it would be exciting and scary. Stop listening to the people who say you can’t.
  2. Don’t play small. When your vision isn’t big enough, you only accomplish the middle of the dream. Sometimes your idea of “realistic” is really code for not knowing how to get there, or a mindset that it’s not possible. Sure, you can stay there for a little while, but go back to #1 – inspire yourself.
  3. Fail big. Fail often. Fear of failure is a waste of time. I get it, failure stings. Actually, it’s not a failure when you learn from it. Better to do it soon though, before giving away your time, which isn’t a renewable resource. Remember your strengths. Most of all, take time to assess – but don’t stay there.
  4. Value your time more than money. So don’t waste your time on the 80% (Pareto’s 80/20 principle), or on networking without connecting the dots.
  5. Invest in yourself. Get a coach and a mentor. Sign up webinars and classes. Read every day. Because there’s not enough time to learn it all on your own.blank book opened to a page that says A little space to be creative
  6. Creativity is key to your success. Actually, it’s a mindset change. It requires putting yourself into a state of absorption, and fearlessness. Be a maverick. Get out of your ruts. Learn to rest and recharge.
  7. Focus on your strengths. You can spend a lot of time focused on trying to improve your weaknesses. If they are relational, work on them. Otherwise, outsource your weaknesses and the things you hate doing. Stop thinking no one can do it as well as you – delegate!
  8. Do uncomfortable things. If it’s comfortable, you know you’re not pushing enough. Sometimes setting goals is the first place to push yourself. A little discomfort leads to productivity.
  9. Speak up. If you don’t tell the world what you are doing or thinking, they won’t know about it. Contribute your observations or successes to your team, to your customers, and to your community.
  10. Get others to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This goes hand in hand with #11.
  11. Be vulnerable. Let people in. Since the state of being vulnerable can be an act of courage, this kind of risk-taking isn’t passive but instead, is actively being willing to put it out there in reaching for the greatest rewards as you define it.
  12. Promote yourself. Just do it a genuine way. Bring your whole self. Don’t wait to be seen. Write, comment, vlog.
  13. Your competitors are your role models. Study and learn from them. It’s where you will recognize not only how you’re different, but how they interact internally, externally, and ethically and how you interact.
  14. See yourself as a contributor in your field. Don’t exclude yourself because you are new or inexperienced. When you’re new, you see things with fresh eyes and fresh ideas.
  15. Take care of yourself. This is a long journey. You need healthy mind, body, and heart. Make your own self-care plan and stick to it. It’s not a badge of honor to be exhausted.
  16. Find a powerful support group.A mastermind. A small group of like-minded colleagues. Find people who will help you grow, make connections, truly see you, and keep you accountable.
  17. Find inspiration and guidance in those who have mastered what you are trying to accomplish. Reach out to them. Follow them on social media. Doing work you love is a journey of discovery.
  18. Share your expertise freely. Give more than you take. Don’t hoard information. Let people learn from you. The more you give, the more you receive – in relationships and inspiration.
  19. Pursue your passion for its fire, inventiveness and life force. Your inspiration is what gives you the fuel you need even in the dark days. Don’t let anyone dampen it.
  20. Nurture patience. Finding/doing work that you love is a process. No one is an overnight success. There will be down days. (see #3, #8)

Mindset and heart space

Remember that your mindset and attitudes underpin the whole journey to doing work you love.  Creation and manifestation are acts of courage. In making a transition, it’s not just understanding the past, but what you can change about it to move on. For many people, uncertainty can overwhelm: it can be difficult to see which path to take, in the midst of change or transition. So, stop going it alone. Ask for help. And bring your hesitancy, your disappointed, overwhelmed, or confused self on a new journey toward the life you deserve. When you allow yourself to deeply listen to yourself, you will gain clarity and passion for doing work you love.

Filed Under: Coaching, Freelancers, Potential, Solopreneur

Self-awareness — how well do you know yourself?

January 22, 2018 by Sara Jane Lowry Leave a Comment

Brown box with lid open stuffed with black and white photographs of relatives and a baby. Self-awareness begins with knowing your lifelong patternsSelf-awareness is critical to success. How well do you know yourself?

Stay with me here.

We are talking about something much greater and of higher consequence. I am asking about who you are at your core, what most matters to you, what makes you come alive, what feeds your soul and what drains your spirit, and how to know the difference so you choose well as you give your best energy, and commitment to something.

If you are lacking a lot of self-awareness, you may still live a life somewhat in alignment with who you are but only by accident or sheer stroke of luck. And you may be living a life that doesn’t fit. What if you could be certain that you live in alignment with who you are not by accident or luck, but rather on purpose, by intention, by design.

How? By getting improving your self-awareness and getting to know yourself really well. One way to do that is to learn your values, passions, and goals. Another is to ask the right questions. (More about that later.)

In my coaching practice, I’ve been working with people how to create better lives for themselves which in turn changes their work, their relationships, and their happiness. They have grown their “self-awareness” quotient and:

  • gotten clarity on their life’s purposeSign stating a list: live full, create happiness, speak kindly, hug daily, smile often, hope more, laugh freely, seek truth, inspire change, love deeply. Missing from the list is grow your self-awareness.
  • determined where they want to go in their career or business
  • boosted their incomes
  • deepened their relationships
  • connected with their gifts

Self-awareness and Mindset

I am so passionate about how we can create the right life for ourselves by first knowing who we are, and then creating the right mindset. So, your mind believes anything you tell it. Is it true? Let’s see.

What is it that you tell yourself all day long? You might be exceptional but most of us walk around saying relatively negative criticisms to ourselves or about ourselves.

Let’s say someone asks you whether you can run a marathon or you can give up dessert for a week. Usually, we hedge unless we’ve already done it. Sometimes the response is immediately I can’t.  I can’t learn that or do that. Or you hear yourself saying “I can’t take this anymore” but don’t take action. That phrase “I can’t” is part of our everyday dialogue and that is your message to your mind.

So, how well do you know yourself?

Your mind says “ I can’t do that well, so we’re not going to even bother because I know I can’t do that”. You’ve already woven a story that your mind believes. As you repeat this over time it becomes a fact to you. It becomes the truth whereas it’s really just something you’ve been telling yourself.

Some of you know that I used to be an opera singer in my early career life. At that time, I had a personal transformation in my singing journey that I still to this day cannot believe I am able to do because the story I had been telling myself was so powerful.

Singing the role of the Noemie, Stepsister of Cinderella in Massenet's Cendrillon, with my foot on the stool holding the glass sliipper
Singing Noemie in Massenet’s Cendrillon

I remember a voice teacher telling me that I would have to be able to sing notes higher than a high “C” (think Pavarotti’s high notes) if I wanted it to be a good one in performance.  Of course, when my voice was younger, that wasn’t too much of a problem. But as my voice and body matured, my voice was no longer light but instead had a richer, darker middle and lower note capacity which added “weight” to the sound. And it’s hard to take that weight up high.

Now, of course, I know that my body can do this but the first time it happened I had to convince my mind that I was capable of doing this. In reality, my body was already there. My teacher said your body has no limitations on doing this at this point in your singing journey but my mind had been keeping me from doing so because I have been telling myself the same story of “I can’t.” I was trying to sing it but my mind didn’t think I could do it. My mind wasn’t ready to change the outcome.

Knowing yourself and what the mind believes

So what is it that you’re telling yourself all day long that you cannot do, that you don’t know how to do, or what to do, or whatever other negative phrases that you’re using? How well do you know yourself?

Remember: your mind listens and believes you and then uses that as a fact to run your life in a misguided effort to protect you.

You can send it a different message.

You can choose to believe in a different story: a story of being a confident person who CAN make changes and choose differently, and seeing that there is a deeper truth than you’re believing about yourself.

Change your mind on how you see yourself and see how that will integrate into so many better results in your life. Start to question those beliefs. Get to really know yourself.

The opportunity has never been greater to…Neon sign saying Do Something Great which is possible when you have self-awareness

  • Show up as the people we have grown into becoming
  • Sustain thriving relationships
  • Discover and follow our highest calling
  • Create prosperous careers aligned with our values
  • Experience radiant health and vitality
  • Live in ways that are spiritually connected
  • Ignite and empower others to step forward into their greatness
  • Be catalysts and change agents shaping the future of our world

Happiness is when we have clarity of purpose, our work and relationships are meaningful, we have health and vitality, we feel connected to the Universe – in other words, we are in alignment. Sign up for the upcoming month-long email series where I send one question per day for you to explore how well you know yourself, and how you can choose to manifest your truest life.

If you take this journey, you will realize that: you are a unique human of this world. Are you brilliant, wise, and generous? Perhaps you are perceptive and fascinating. Know this: you are gifted and talented beyond your knowing. You are beyond capable to do what you dream. It starts with getting to know yourself and changing your mind.

Filed Under: Coaching, Potential Tagged With: believing in yourself, Clarity, Coaching, confidence, courage, Creativity, Hidden beliefs, impostor syndrome, Purpose

Power of Thought – Manifest a Better Reality

December 11, 2017 by Sara Jane Lowry Leave a Comment

looking at sky up through the middle of 4 walls of a building indicating the power of thought to change your realityPower of Thought – Manifest a Better Reality

Power of Thought – Manifest a Better Reality is the name of a new series I am offering starting in January. Thoughts are incredibly powerful, affecting us whether they are conscious or not. They can help or hinder how we live our lives in a way that makes us happy. Sometimes we attach negative thoughts and reactions to our current reality that make us anxious and depressed. And our inner critic uses them against us.

Where you are in your life is never who you are.  It’s more a reflection of your thoughts and beliefs, priorities that you haven’t acknowledged, or unmade choices.

So, stop explaining and justifying where you are and how you got here. That’s focusing on the past. All you need to know at this point is where you’re starting from at this moment:

  • Is the life you are living something you’re not wild about?
  • Do you feel like you’re going around in circles with nothing you’re doing gaining any traction?
  • Do you find yourself constantly looking for something better than what you have right now?

Your thoughts create your feelings.picture of rain and a leaf on the road showing the power of thought when we get anxious or depressed

There are thoughts and perceptions you have of your life that are negative or self-critical.  Thoughts like these are quietly snaking across your mind automatically, with no effort on your part. And, they have a huge impact on how you are feeling. You think these thoughts are real, and therefore, the feelings that accompany them are real. But they are often just habitual ways of thought that set up an emotional reaction that’s negative.

Yes, bad things do happen and life can really hammer us at times. Yes, people can be cruel and thoughtless too. We can’t change those things, but we can change how we think about them. We can change our hidden beliefs and self-values too.  And when you change your thinking, you change your happiness, your outlook on life, and your journey.

Start right now with a new attitude

The power of thought is in learning to recognize the negative ones and change them.  Your journey to manifesting a better reality starts with living and doing your best where you are right now. And that starts with your attitude. Your attitude of gratitude for what you currently have, seeing it as a stepping stone on your journey, and making the best of your current situation.  It means giving it your full attention. This is when new opportunities start to present themselves. Most of my readers know I’m a huge advocate of daily meditation which can also improve your moods and mental states.

What you think, say, and do are the pivot points that can change your life and help you manifest a better reality. Those old ways of thinking, or talking about yourself or to yourself, or acting in self-destructive ways misaligned with the person you value, don’t serve you now.

Automatic thinkingdistorted figure through glass showing the power of thought when it is distorted thinking

Cognitive distortions (the basis of cognitive behavioral therapy) affect most of us. If you struggle with black and white thinking, jumping to negative conclusions, catastrophizing, perfectionism, labeling yourself negatively, and rejecting positive experiences, you can learn to become aware of those automatic and powerful patterns and change them as they happen.

One secret to happiness to set modest goals and accomplish them.

  • If you are a perfectionist (which is really fear-based) on how your goals are accomplished, or you procrastinate in going after them, you will increase your misery quotient.
  • It requires a mental strength to not give in to your habitual patterns. So, changing that pattern begins with self-respect.
  • The power of thought gets flipped when you start analyzing what you gain or lose by having a habitual thought. When you give up perfectionism and procrastination, or not acting on something where you don’t know the outcome in advance, you gain a chance to manifest a new reality.
  • If you want to change your inner critic, begin writing down what it says and when, and write a different thought. Practice telling that inner voice no or stop!

How does the power of thought work?red sign saying No indicating the power of thought when you can't say no

I work with a lot of women who find themselves doing more and more because they have difficulty saying “no” even when they’re asked to do something that isn’t in their best interest. Your hidden belief might be “I must always do what people ask me to do” because (1) it makes me feel needed, or (2) they won’t like me if I say “no”; or (3) I don’t have to worry about someone being upset with me; or (4) doing what people expect of me makes me feel in control.

But you don’t look at what you lose by doing that: (1) that you compromise your time to do something you really don’t want to do; (2) you never know if someone really just likes you for who you are; (3) you give others power over you in avoiding the threat of disappointment; and (4) you never have to figure out what you really want because you are always working to please others.

Changing this personal belief system requires that you write a new belief such as: “I enjoy when someone approves of me but I don’t need it to make choices that fit my own goals and enhance my self-respect.”

Join me on a journey of powerful thought recognition and creating a new reality

If you want to live 2018 differently, you need to start with changing your thoughts. Join me on a month-long daily thought-journey to help you identify what types of negative thoughts you are caught in, and begin a new path to manifesting a new reality for yourself. Sign up today!

 

Filed Under: Coaching, Mindfulness, Potential

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