Self-awareness — how well do you know yourself?

January 22, 2018 by Sara Jane Lowry

Brown box with lid open stuffed with black and white photographs of relatives and a baby. Self-awareness begins with knowing your lifelong patterns Self-awareness is critical to success. How well do you know yourself?

Stay with me here.

We are talking about something much greater and of higher consequence. I am asking about who you are at your core, what most matters to you, what makes you come alive, what feeds your soul and what drains your spirit, and how to know the difference so you choose well as you give your best energy, and commitment to something.

If you are lacking a lot of self-awareness, you may still live a life somewhat in alignment with who you are but only by accident or sheer stroke of luck. And you may be living a life that doesn’t fit. What if you could be certain that you live in alignment with who you are not by accident or luck, but rather on purpose, by intention, by design.

How? By getting improving your self-awareness and getting to know yourself really well. One way to do that is to learn your values, passions, and goals. Another is to ask the right questions. (More about that later.)

In my coaching practice, I’ve been working with people how to create better lives for themselves which in turn changes their work, their relationships, and their happiness. They have grown their “self-awareness” quotient and:

gotten clarity on their life’s purpose

determined where they want to go in their career or business

boosted their incomes

deepened their relationships

connected with their gifts

Self-awareness and Mindset

I am so passionate about how we can create the right life for ourselves by first knowing who we are, and then creating the right mindset. So, your mind believes anything you tell it. Is it true? Let’s see.

What is it that you tell yourself all day long? You might be exceptional but most of us walk around saying relatively negative criticisms to ourselves or about ourselves.

Let’s say someone asks you whether you can run a marathon or you can give up dessert for a week. Usually, we hedge unless we’ve already done it. Sometimes the response is immediately I can’t. I can’t learn that or do that. Or you hear yourself saying “I can’t take this anymore” but don’t take action. That phrase “I can’t” is part of our everyday dialogue and that is your message to your mind.

So, how well do you know yourself?

Your mind says “ I can’t do that well, so we’re not going to even bother because I know I can’t do that”. You’ve already woven a story that your mind believes. As you repeat this over time it becomes a fact to you. It becomes the truth whereas it’s really just something you’ve been telling yourself.

Some of you know that I used to be an opera singer in my early career life. At that time, I had a personal transformation in my singing journey that I still to this day cannot believe I am able to do because the story I had been telling myself was so powerful.

Singing the role of the Noemie, Stepsister of Cinderella in Massenet's Cendrillon, with my foot on the stool holding the glass sliipper — Singing Noemie in Massenet’s Cendrillon

I remember a voice teacher telling me that I would have to be able to sing notes higher than a high “C” (think Pavarotti’s high notes) if I wanted it to be a good one in performance. Of course, when my voice was younger, that wasn’t too much of a problem. But as my voice and body matured, my voice was no longer light but instead had a richer, darker middle and lower note capacity which added “weight” to the sound. And it’s hard to take that weight up high.

Now, of course, I know that my body can do this but the first time it happened I had to convince my mind that I was capable of doing this. In reality, my body was already there. My teacher said your body has no limitations on doing this at this point in your singing journey but my mind had been keeping me from doing so because I have been telling myself the same story of “I can’t.” I was trying to sing it but my mind didn’t think I could do it. My mind wasn’t ready to change the outcome.

Knowing yourself and what the mind believes

So what is it that you’re telling yourself all day long that you cannot do, that you don’t know how to do, or what to do, or whatever other negative phrases that you’re using? How well do you know yourself?

Remember: your mind listens and believes you and then uses that as a fact to run your life in a misguided effort to protect you.

You can send it a different message.

You can choose to believe in a different story: a story of being a confident person who CAN make changes and choose differently, and seeing that there is a deeper truth than you’re believing about yourself.

Change your mind on how you see yourself and see how that will integrate into so many better results in your life. Start to question those beliefs. Get to really know yourself.

The opportunity has never been greater to… Neon sign saying Do Something Great which is possible when you have self-awareness

Show up as the people we have grown into becoming

Sustain thriving relationships

Discover and follow our highest calling

Create prosperous careers aligned with our values

Experience radiant health and vitality

Live in ways that are spiritually connected

Ignite and empower others to step forward into their greatness

Be catalysts and change agents shaping the future of our world

Happiness is when we have clarity of purpose, our work and relationships are meaningful, we have health and vitality, we feel connected to the Universe – in other words, we are in alignment.

If you take this journey, you will realize that: you are a unique human of this world. Are you brilliant, wise, and generous? Perhaps you are perceptive and fascinating. Know this: you are gifted and talented beyond your knowing. You are beyond capable to do what you dream. It starts with getting to know yourself and changing your mind.

8 steps to finding your purpose

December 1, 2017 by Sara Jane Lowry

hand holding pine cone in front of a forest of pine trees with words 8 steps to finding your purpose

8 Steps to Finding Your Purpose

Some of my clients come to me because they want to find their purpose. They may have lost their passion, or maybe they’ve always been searching for their life’s purpose. I too had a hard time figuring out what my purpose in life is, and I’ve tried many paths. So, I am sharing this in the hopes that it helps you in your own search.

Moving towards a purposeful life might sound complicated. But it doesn’t have to be. We all think it’s supposed to be a major “aha” moment, and that it should immediately be clear to us. But that’s not often the case. It can often be a slow journey and exploration, a purpose that you work into and builds in your life over time.

To help you, here are 8 steps to finding your purpose:

Pay attention to curiosity

Curiosity is extremely powerful. It doesn’t demand action, it invites it. It’s not stressful or demanding, it’s easy to follow. And it can lead you toward your life purpose — it’s magical in that way. So, stop looking for your passion. Instead, follow your curiosity.

Envision a compelling future

Right now, stop for a minute and close your eyes. How do you want your life to look like 3 years from now? As you envision it, really feel it inside as you ask yourself some questions like these: envisioning your future symbolized by looking upward in a grove of trees with sunlight highlighting their tops

How are you spending your days?
Where are you living?
Who are you spending time with?
What kind of energy do you have?

Envisioning your future is a key ingredient in finding your purpose in life. If we know where we’re going, it’s easier to know what to focus on and why it matters. I also ask clients to consider what qualities they most enjoy expressing, and in what ways they enjoy expressing them.

Know your “why’s”

Of the 8 steps to finding your purpose in life, this is probably most important. green fern unfurling symbolizing know your whys

Life isn’t just about what you do. Or how you do it. It’s about why you do it, the purpose of it. Simon Sinek wrote a book on the importance of why as well as gave a TEDx talk about how it’s important to leadership, to your values, to your impact on others. Why do you do what you do now? Do you have one or several “why’s” connecting to it? And are the “whys” something you chose at one point that no longer has meaning or purpose to you? What about your choices? Are they more about pleasing others? How are you spending your time? Do you know your “why”? Why gives you meaning and purpose.

Find your own mission for your purposeful life

My mission is to creatively inspire and support others through a journey of courageous choices and changes toward living an authentic life. I’ve made that my mission because I know the pain, stress, and frustration that comes with living a life that feels empty or false and not your own. And I know that it takes courage to change. Having a mission greater than yourself brings focus and purpose. It’s something to return to when things get tough or when fears get the best of you.

Begin with the end in mind. What would you like to serve others with? What pain have you experienced, or great joy that excites you? These are clues to your purpose.

Start today, take a step

I know what it is to keep putting off my authentic life. Some people wait until their kids are grown or they’re ready for retirement. Thus, it’s a “waiting for ‘some day’ in the future” when everything will magically fall into place. Then, you’ll be ready to take action. But, that day never comes unless you make the decision for it to come. Finding your purpose, and then living it starts with a decision. And a first step.

Stop waiting for better times or circumstances.

Things will never be ideal. And, you’ll always be able to point at something to say “that’s why I never did it”. Why things won’t work will always there, but so will the reasons why it will. Anxiety or fear sometimes masks itself as “reasons why.”

So, start taking steps, no matter how small, in the right direction today. Be consistent – it’s more important than distance.

Focus on one thing at a time

Finding and living your purpose is a journey of many steps. How can you build these steps into your life now? Start with one thing. If you try to make too many changes at once you may become overwhelmed and confused and burn yourself up. Rather than trying to do it all at once, become aware of your limitations. Move into it gradually. Do ONE thing at the time and dedicate time, energy and commitment to it.

Say “no”

Learning to say “no” is a skill taught in productivity webinars and books. There are a lot of ways you are probably good at prioritizing everything BUT what you want because it’s difficult to make changes, or because you “don’t want to offend” someone. But people who successfully move into what they see as their purpose had to learn to say “no” to the things (or people) who no longer fit that deeper purpose.

To create a purposeful life, you need to make time for the things that bring purpose and meaning. And in that process, you need to say “no” things that aren’t aligned with that.

Obstacles are bound to come your way

Today, most obstacles are internal. Obstacles can show up in your life in the form of fears, beliefs, people, or situations. You might see obstacles as proof that what they were planning to do isn’t working. But actually, successful people have learned the discipline of turning obstacles into opportunities. It starts with: snail stretched out crossing open gap between two rocks

perception (how we decide to see and understand what occurs around us, and what we decide it will mean;
action (dismantling the obstacle step by step with courage and creativity); and
will (invoking our power to push through challenging times with flexibility and resilience

This is where we get tested, and where we must know our “why” in order to be open to new insights, and course correcting to get to our desired goal.

You are now on the threshold of moving into an authentic life.

You may have been allowing your stories of how you got to where you are today to affect your choices and behaviors. It can be difficult to find meaningful patterns within the complexity that is your life. Your life isn’t a problem to be solved. Your purpose is present even now in all that complexity. We can wait to figure out our purpose, for what we want, or go out and create it. The choice is yours.

If you need someone to help hold space for you as you take on this journey, please reach out for a consult.

Mindfulness benefits my business? I thought it was just for yoga.

May 3, 2017 by Sara Jane Lowry

How does mindfulness benefit my business?

Mindfulness benefits business but only if you use it. If you’re a start-up company, a freelancer, a small business, or a nonprofit, you are stressed – about money. Stressed thinking does not lead to good decisions, more sales, or improved relationships. It damages our health. In our agitation, we often focus on small things we can control, rather than bold moves. We try to manage the details of what we are already doing rather than calmly analyzing what’s going well and what’s failing. We are unable to come up with creative solutions.

And what is failure anyway? Failure is part of critical growth. Did you see a child give up walking after falling down? Of course not. You see them learn to hold onto things, to take shorter walks, and to fall down but get up again. There are dozens of studies on how mindfulness practices can improve our stress levels, and our sleep. Stress can also have a huge impact on our creativity and decision-making.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

– Winston Churchill

Creative paralysis is fear of failure

We procrastinate in making hard decisions, and holding the hard conversations we dread. It’s as if avoiding things will make it get better. Mindfulness benefits include converting our fear of failure to action. One of the most frequent sources of creative paralysis is fear of failure. It’s nonaction that keeps us stuck doing the same thing over and over with no improvement rather than risk ‘failure.’

So, back to mindfulness and what benefits it brings to my business. Mindfulness does 4 important things for business leaders: it brings focus, clarity, creativity, and compassion (for yourself, and others) back into your field of awareness. I recently was working with a nonprofit executive. She was simply unable to see how her reluctance to create an earned revenue program was keeping her tied to fickle foundation funding. When we began to explore her beliefs around money using mindfulness, she began to let herself explore new opportunities. Mindfulness benefits for her were connecting again with skills in leadership that she could use in this new endeavor. And, happily she was able to gain foundation dollars to support the launch.

Mindfulness benefits: is it really as simple as breathing?

Breathing is where you begin to focus your attention. And the breathing that is part of mindfulness work is where you start to get some distance from the pressure of current issues. It’s where you start to tune into what your body is feeling, and the emotional surges that upset your day. Mindfulness is a practice which means you might try to do it every day, or even several times a day. You do it because the practice bears fruit within days of keeping at it. You can read more about the steps to mindfulness here. Or find a more in-depth blog post by John Parrot called The Art of Mindfulness: Why it Matters to get a full look at the benefits of mindfulness.

beach mindfulness benefits

When you go to the beach, you breathe in the salt air, you feel the warm sun on your lips, and the wind across your shoulders. You notice the ocean, the sky, the sand as you gaze at the ocean waves coming in and out. You often find you’re not thinking about much of anything. And, you can probably see mindfulness benefits easily in this scenario.

Now imagine having a moment like that in your day where instead of waves, you see those things you believe to be failures, or irritating people, or worrisome sales numbers also floating in and out with the breath. Can you be a witness and observer and look at it on all sides? In a place of detachment, can you step back and let it just be without assigning pejoratives, and see what isn’t working?

Shifting beliefs

Mindful benefits your ability to face what scares you. It is possible to see how your beliefs and thoughts can be transformed to ones of confidence, to courage, to a creative solution as we see how to shift our usual patterns by becoming more aware of them. And, your mind can become a bridge from the problem to the answer.

Mindfulness is for everyone, especially leaders: 4 steps to begin your practice

April 21, 2017 by Sara Jane Lowry

Mindfulness is for everyone, especially leaders

We are well aware that our bodies can be trained to make us healthier, flexible and stronger. We now know from neuroscience research that there is mindfulness training can cultivate and strengthen our mind’s capacities. Mindfulness is something we all have naturally, but it is more easily tapped into when we practice on a daily basis. Mindfulness lights up parts of our brains that aren’t normally activated when we’re mindlessly running on autopilot.
According to the Institute for Mindful Leadership, mindfulness practice can strengthen and cultivate four hallmarks of leadership excellence-focus, clarity, creativity and compassion. I have been working with some clients in developing a mindfulness practice and we begin with these steps:

#1. Set aside some time to be mindful.

Even 10 minutes. Best if you do it first thing in the morning while your creativity is at its most free. But you can do it over coffee, or lunch, or walking from one meeting to another. Make time. You don’t need special cushions.

#2. Observe the moment you’re in that you’ve chosen to get mindful.

Mindfulness is not stopping all your thoughts, or attempting to achieve a state of calm. The goal is actually simple: we’re attempting to pay attention to the present moment, without judgement

#3. Thoughts will come and go

Let them pass by. And if you end up following them? When you catch yourself, bring yourself back without judgment of them or of you.

#4 Return to the present moment

Observe the moment as it is right now. What you’re thinking, feeling. Where you’re sitting or walking. Feeling your breathing in and out. Over and over, this is the practice.

This is the work. Just this. Here and now.

It sounds simple, but it isn’t always easy. Let the mind stay focused here and now. Don’t get discouraged when your mind goes off – that’s why this is a discipline, a practice. Mindfulness isn’t about “fixing” you, and it’s not about stopping your thoughts.

Meditation and Mindfulness

You can use meditation practice as a way to practice mindfulness too. There are a couple of ways to do this:

We start with focusing on the breath as a way to anchor your mind in the moment by focusing in on breathing in and out. I suggest that you focus on where you feel the breath in your body, in your nostrils, whether it’s warm or cold, do you feel your diaphram against the chairback. When your mind wanders and you notice it, just say “wandering” and bring it back to the breath. Be kind to yourself in this process. Find a sense of ease and well-being in this moment of breathing and being present.
We also use the mind to focus by moving through our body from our feet to our head, and seeing where there is tension. Just bring the mind back to the sensations of breathing, or of our bodily tensions. No expectations or judgments, just noticing each thing.

Mindfulness can help you enjoy a cup of tea more fully, walk mindfully down the hall to your next meeting and be more present, have a more engaging conversation, or wind down for a relaxing night’s sleep. And that feels like it might a practice worth doing.

Believing in YOURSELF leads to the future you desire

March 6, 2017 by Sara Jane Lowry

A client recently received good news that a job doing what she loved was going to be hers. We discussed what had led her to this moment through our work. and she said that the work we had done around confidence is what had her to new opportunities and an exciting position. Believing in herself was the journey.

Step #1. You have to believe that you are capable of making it happen. Believing in yourself is a choice.

Believing in yourself means taking action toward the goals you set for yourself and in taking action, you gain strength in believing they can be yours.

Step #2. Believing in yourself leads you to give more than what is expected. My client didn’t focus on whether she would be fairly compensated or recognized for more effort. As a result, she succeeded because she gave the people around her — her team, her customers, and her colleagues — more than was expected and, in return, has been rewarded with loyalty, referrals, opportunity, and money.

Taking action

Confidence is Believing in Yourself

Step #3. Successful people know that the world doesn’t pay you for what you know; it pays you for what you do. So, when she set goals for what she would deliver to her customers, she broke them down into small steps, and then she took action that affirmed her vision around the solution they needed from her — these action steps included believing in herself by getting out there and going for it.

Doubt and Fear

You might be surprised to know how many clients, colleagues, and leaders I talk with share that they are afraid of making a mistake, some have said that they feel like a fraud. some have doubts about whether the actions they are taking will succeed. Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries.

Step #4. They just don’t let these feelings stop them. Believing in yourself is a moment-to-moment mindfulness activity! And because of this belief we are willing to experiment, and try new things even when we feel uncertain.

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If
you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” –Dale Carnegie

Undermining yourself

Do you find yourself saying things like: “I don’t believe this idea, this job, this situation will work for me?” Or, “I don’t believe in myself, my ideas, my ability to do this.”

Step #5. The biggest difference between successful people and unsuccessful ones (in business, and in life) is that successful people are determined to make the situation work for them rather than searching for reasons why a situation won’t work. Think of your mind as a suggestion machine, dedicated to keeping you safe, from making mistakes, from being embarrassed. It thinks it is protecting you from harm – something it was programmed to do to keep you safe from real danger. Most likely you will feel discomfort in pushing yourself past negative thoughts. Therefore, this is when you begin to test whether that is true and take small steps toward the goal you set for yourself. Your job is not to judge yourself, but to step forward with all you have within you in any given moment. Let the world choose.

Self-Confidence

Believing in yourself is the beginning of a journey to self-esteem and self-confidence. It’s a journey you can only take in your own mind, and through your own actions. The true joy of believing in yourself lies in unleashing your gifts and offering them to the world.

Self-confidence is a quality you can develop. Start this moment to believe in yourself and your future will thank you.

For more suggestions on believing in yourself as part of your own success, you may be interested in this article. Share your thoughts below on what has helped you believe in yourself.