Hidden beliefs Archives

Self-awareness — how well do you know yourself?

January 22, 2018 by Sara Jane Lowry

Brown box with lid open stuffed with black and white photographs of relatives and a baby. Self-awareness begins with knowing your lifelong patterns Self-awareness is critical to success. How well do you know yourself?

Stay with me here.

We are talking about something much greater and of higher consequence. I am asking about who you are at your core, what most matters to you, what makes you come alive, what feeds your soul and what drains your spirit, and how to know the difference so you choose well as you give your best energy, and commitment to something.

If you are lacking a lot of self-awareness, you may still live a life somewhat in alignment with who you are but only by accident or sheer stroke of luck. And you may be living a life that doesn’t fit. What if you could be certain that you live in alignment with who you are not by accident or luck, but rather on purpose, by intention, by design.

How? By getting improving your self-awareness and getting to know yourself really well. One way to do that is to learn your values, passions, and goals. Another is to ask the right questions. (More about that later.)

In my coaching practice, I’ve been working with people how to create better lives for themselves which in turn changes their work, their relationships, and their happiness. They have grown their “self-awareness” quotient and:

gotten clarity on their life’s purpose

determined where they want to go in their career or business

boosted their incomes

deepened their relationships

connected with their gifts

Self-awareness and Mindset

I am so passionate about how we can create the right life for ourselves by first knowing who we are, and then creating the right mindset. So, your mind believes anything you tell it. Is it true? Let’s see.

What is it that you tell yourself all day long? You might be exceptional but most of us walk around saying relatively negative criticisms to ourselves or about ourselves.

Let’s say someone asks you whether you can run a marathon or you can give up dessert for a week. Usually, we hedge unless we’ve already done it. Sometimes the response is immediately I can’t. I can’t learn that or do that. Or you hear yourself saying “I can’t take this anymore” but don’t take action. That phrase “I can’t” is part of our everyday dialogue and that is your message to your mind.

So, how well do you know yourself?

Your mind says “ I can’t do that well, so we’re not going to even bother because I know I can’t do that”. You’ve already woven a story that your mind believes. As you repeat this over time it becomes a fact to you. It becomes the truth whereas it’s really just something you’ve been telling yourself.

Some of you know that I used to be an opera singer in my early career life. At that time, I had a personal transformation in my singing journey that I still to this day cannot believe I am able to do because the story I had been telling myself was so powerful.

Singing the role of the Noemie, Stepsister of Cinderella in Massenet's Cendrillon, with my foot on the stool holding the glass sliipper — Singing Noemie in Massenet’s Cendrillon

I remember a voice teacher telling me that I would have to be able to sing notes higher than a high “C” (think Pavarotti’s high notes) if I wanted it to be a good one in performance. Of course, when my voice was younger, that wasn’t too much of a problem. But as my voice and body matured, my voice was no longer light but instead had a richer, darker middle and lower note capacity which added “weight” to the sound. And it’s hard to take that weight up high.

Now, of course, I know that my body can do this but the first time it happened I had to convince my mind that I was capable of doing this. In reality, my body was already there. My teacher said your body has no limitations on doing this at this point in your singing journey but my mind had been keeping me from doing so because I have been telling myself the same story of “I can’t.” I was trying to sing it but my mind didn’t think I could do it. My mind wasn’t ready to change the outcome.

Knowing yourself and what the mind believes

So what is it that you’re telling yourself all day long that you cannot do, that you don’t know how to do, or what to do, or whatever other negative phrases that you’re using? How well do you know yourself?

Remember: your mind listens and believes you and then uses that as a fact to run your life in a misguided effort to protect you.

You can send it a different message.

You can choose to believe in a different story: a story of being a confident person who CAN make changes and choose differently, and seeing that there is a deeper truth than you’re believing about yourself.

Change your mind on how you see yourself and see how that will integrate into so many better results in your life. Start to question those beliefs. Get to really know yourself.

The opportunity has never been greater to… Neon sign saying Do Something Great which is possible when you have self-awareness

Show up as the people we have grown into becoming

Sustain thriving relationships

Discover and follow our highest calling

Create prosperous careers aligned with our values

Experience radiant health and vitality

Live in ways that are spiritually connected

Ignite and empower others to step forward into their greatness

Be catalysts and change agents shaping the future of our world

Happiness is when we have clarity of purpose, our work and relationships are meaningful, we have health and vitality, we feel connected to the Universe – in other words, we are in alignment. Sign up for the upcoming month-long email series where I send one question per day for you to explore how well you know yourself, and how you can choose to manifest your truest life.

If you take this journey, you will realize that: you are a unique human of this world. Are you brilliant, wise, and generous? Perhaps you are perceptive and fascinating. Know this: you are gifted and talented beyond your knowing. You are beyond capable to do what you dream. It starts with getting to know yourself and changing your mind.

Negative self-talk is a habit you can break

November 2, 2017 by Sara Jane Lowry

Stop sign to end negative self-talk

Negative self-talk – stop the habit.

All of us are subject to negative self-talk in the form of an inner critic. And that inner critic can talk faster than we can externally: 1300 words to our 200 words. Some of our self-talk is about things outside us. For example, when we find our lost keys, we might say to ourselves, “There they are.” But another part of our inner dialogue is about ourselves. For example, when we can’t find the keys, we might say something like, “You idiot; you’re always losing things.”

Self-talk is a habitual way of responding to our experience and unfortunately, it often takes the form of an inner critic who is very negative and pessimistic. For example, if you feel like you’re not getting the contract, the promotion, or the new job, your inner voice might say something like, “You’ll never get anywhere. You don’t know what you’re doing. Every time you try something, you fail.” Or, you assume someone else’s behavior or actions are about you and have a negative meaning. For example, if someone you know doesn’t greet you at the store, your inner voice asks, “Why did I do? They are rude.” Or, “they don’t like me. I just can’t win.”

Negative thoughts make you feel anxious, sad or hopeless. These feelings, in turn, make it difficult to act constructively. And preoccupation with your negative emotions may even intensify them and trigger more negative thinking.

How our negative self-talk triggers our behavior

There are three ways our negative self-talk manifest in behavior:

Overgeneralization or Catastrophizing
Drawing a broad conclusion based on a single incident or insufficient evidence.
Jumping to Conclusions (Mind Reading)
Assuming we know what others are thinking and feeling.
Shoulds
Using inflexible rules about how we or others should act. We feel guilty when we violate these rules.

Confronting negative self-talk patterns

In order to confront our negative self-talk, we need to take some steps.

Creating Distance

We can start by creating a bit of distance from them in order to recognize when and where we are having them. This means some self-reflection is necessary, and it can be done through journaling about your day and noticing your most extreme moments that you notice. Pay special attention to when you are exhausted or feeling depressed about your day because the self-talk at those points is a clue to your habitual thoughts. In creating distance, you can ask yourself whether you’re seeing things in a balanced way of both positive and negative experiences in our lives.

Testing reality of the self-talk

The next step is to begin to test the reality of the thoughts. In order to test whether your automatic thoughts are valid, ask yourself what is the evidence for and against your thoughts. Try writing down the evidence, both pro and con, to help you gain some distance from your thoughts as you become curious about whether things are as bleak as you think. For example, if your thought is “Things are always a mess in my life” you might list on the pro side the times when things were going smoothly and successfully.

Seeing alternative options, or “coming back to reality”

If you worked through the first 2 steps, you will arrive at an alternative interpretation of your experience (if you refuted the thought) or a more balanced thought that summarizes the valid points for and against (if the evidence was mixed).

By being curious about our self-talk, rather than refuting or indulging it, we can learn to see our situation in an accurate, yet hopeful, manner, and move our habits of thought toward more realistic reality. From there we can begin to practice positive self-talk.

You have the power to change negative self-talk. Take a month-long journey to reprogramming your mind with tips delivered to you daily, and change your self-talk from negative to positive. Please sign up today and take back your mind.

Fresh start: It’s time to awaken to our potential to live authentically

May 8, 2017 by Sara Jane Lowry

circular stairs highest potential We need a fresh start and conscious awakening. If you’re like me, your lives are flooded with information from every direction. And we have become very good at selecting the information we choose to let in, to affect us, to learn from, to judge others and ourselves by, and to believe. We filter that information by choice on how it fits our beliefs, our experiences, our worldview, and our desires. Inevitably, we reject the information that doesn’t seem to directly fit. Thus, if we find ourselves reacting to the content of information and it makes us feel uncomfortable, or afraid, or helpless, we reject it, or get angry, or pretend we didn’t see it.

Dead or alive?

As we are all connected on a deeper human level, we can’t pretend we didn’t consume it. Unfortunately, that information remains inside of us and shows up as an unconscious worry, doubt, anxiety and depression. Or, we experience feelings that bubble up related to that information, but don’t know why. Most of all, we just want to stop feeling that way. We feel brittle, ghost-like. So, we try to ignore the feelings: we eat, drink, anaesthetize ourselves with medication, with shopping or trips, with mindless entertainment. Or it shows up as anger, lack of compassion, lack of focus. In ways that matter, we begin to deaden ourselves. It’s as if we will ourselves into stressful, reactionary, unhappy and frantic lives. As Sigmund Freud said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” And as we suffer, so do our families, our colleagues, and our communities. When that happens, we become less than our true selves. We no longer are living our highest potential.

It’s time for a fresh start – to awaken

When you go through a conscious awakening, you undergo a period of intense change and revelation in your fresh start awakening life.

If every day is an awakening, you will never grow old. You will just keep growing. – Gail Sheehy

Conscious awakening doesn’t mean that you shut out the information, the news, the situations we face. So, it requires that we take a step back for a moment and find a breath of distance. A breath of distance is when we stop and breathe and focus fully on what we are seeing, hearing, reading. Perhaps, we listen fully to the person who is speaking. Since the breath allows us to find clarity, we can make a choice on how we want to respond. When we choose a breath of distance, we move past the urge to complain – complaining is a negative release of energy that disempowers us. Or it releases stress, anxiety, and anger.

Consciousness leads t0 intuitively and creatively taking action

Christof Koch, Chief Scientific Officer at the Allen Institute for Brain Science, tells us: “Consciousness is a fundamental property of the universe. Wherever there is integrated information, there is experience.” The more we move to being conscious, the more we understand ourselves and the world. A conscious awakening begins with a quiet moment as we go inside to question our beliefs and reactions. Here you find answers to your suffering and can make peace within moments of silence. Most importantly, this is where you will recognize your spirit, your purpose, and your ability to choose. What reflects your highest potential? As we begin to figure out whether we can change something and how, we can take conscious action. Or, sometimes we choose to surrender to the situation within ourselves. A fresh start might mean walking away in order to go within, or working with a coach on mindfulness.

All humans connect through consciousness. So, how we think, act, react, and believe ripples out from us into the world and affects others. Consequently, we have a responsibility to one another to respond to the world from a place of consciousness.

Today is a new day. Fresh start, begins now. awaken fresh start

Mindfulness benefits my business? I thought it was just for yoga.

May 3, 2017 by Sara Jane Lowry

How does mindfulness benefit my business?

Mindfulness benefits business but only if you use it. If you’re a start-up company, a freelancer, a small business, or a nonprofit, you are stressed – about money. Stressed thinking does not lead to good decisions, more sales, or improved relationships. It damages our health. In our agitation, we often focus on small things we can control, rather than bold moves. We try to manage the details of what we are already doing rather than calmly analyzing what’s going well and what’s failing. We are unable to come up with creative solutions.

And what is failure anyway? Failure is part of critical growth. Did you see a child give up walking after falling down? Of course not. You see them learn to hold onto things, to take shorter walks, and to fall down but get up again. There are dozens of studies on how mindfulness practices can improve our stress levels, and our sleep. Stress can also have a huge impact on our creativity and decision-making.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

– Winston Churchill

Creative paralysis is fear of failure

We procrastinate in making hard decisions, and holding the hard conversations we dread. It’s as if avoiding things will make it get better. Mindfulness benefits include converting our fear of failure to action. One of the most frequent sources of creative paralysis is fear of failure. It’s nonaction that keeps us stuck doing the same thing over and over with no improvement rather than risk ‘failure.’

So, back to mindfulness and what benefits it brings to my business. Mindfulness does 4 important things for business leaders: it brings focus, clarity, creativity, and compassion (for yourself, and others) back into your field of awareness. I recently was working with a nonprofit executive. She was simply unable to see how her reluctance to create an earned revenue program was keeping her tied to fickle foundation funding. When we began to explore her beliefs around money using mindfulness, she began to let herself explore new opportunities. Mindfulness benefits for her were connecting again with skills in leadership that she could use in this new endeavor. And, happily she was able to gain foundation dollars to support the launch.

Mindfulness benefits: is it really as simple as breathing?

Breathing is where you begin to focus your attention. And the breathing that is part of mindfulness work is where you start to get some distance from the pressure of current issues. It’s where you start to tune into what your body is feeling, and the emotional surges that upset your day. Mindfulness is a practice which means you might try to do it every day, or even several times a day. You do it because the practice bears fruit within days of keeping at it. You can read more about the steps to mindfulness here. Or find a more in-depth blog post by John Parrot called The Art of Mindfulness: Why it Matters to get a full look at the benefits of mindfulness.

beach mindfulness benefits

When you go to the beach, you breathe in the salt air, you feel the warm sun on your lips, and the wind across your shoulders. You notice the ocean, the sky, the sand as you gaze at the ocean waves coming in and out. You often find you’re not thinking about much of anything. And, you can probably see mindfulness benefits easily in this scenario.

Now imagine having a moment like that in your day where instead of waves, you see those things you believe to be failures, or irritating people, or worrisome sales numbers also floating in and out with the breath. Can you be a witness and observer and look at it on all sides? In a place of detachment, can you step back and let it just be without assigning pejoratives, and see what isn’t working?

Shifting beliefs

Mindful benefits your ability to face what scares you. It is possible to see how your beliefs and thoughts can be transformed to ones of confidence, to courage, to a creative solution as we see how to shift our usual patterns by becoming more aware of them. And, your mind can become a bridge from the problem to the answer.

Believing in YOURSELF leads to the future you desire

March 6, 2017 by Sara Jane Lowry

A client recently received good news that a job doing what she loved was going to be hers. We discussed what had led her to this moment through our work. and she said that the work we had done around confidence is what had her to new opportunities and an exciting position. Believing in herself was the journey.

Step #1. You have to believe that you are capable of making it happen. Believing in yourself is a choice.

Believing in yourself means taking action toward the goals you set for yourself and in taking action, you gain strength in believing they can be yours.

Step #2. Believing in yourself leads you to give more than what is expected. My client didn’t focus on whether she would be fairly compensated or recognized for more effort. As a result, she succeeded because she gave the people around her — her team, her customers, and her colleagues — more than was expected and, in return, has been rewarded with loyalty, referrals, opportunity, and money.

Taking action

Confidence is Believing in Yourself

Step #3. Successful people know that the world doesn’t pay you for what you know; it pays you for what you do. So, when she set goals for what she would deliver to her customers, she broke them down into small steps, and then she took action that affirmed her vision around the solution they needed from her — these action steps included believing in herself by getting out there and going for it.

Doubt and Fear

You might be surprised to know how many clients, colleagues, and leaders I talk with share that they are afraid of making a mistake, some have said that they feel like a fraud. some have doubts about whether the actions they are taking will succeed. Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries.

Step #4. They just don’t let these feelings stop them. Believing in yourself is a moment-to-moment mindfulness activity! And because of this belief we are willing to experiment, and try new things even when we feel uncertain.

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If
you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” –Dale Carnegie

Undermining yourself

Do you find yourself saying things like: “I don’t believe this idea, this job, this situation will work for me?” Or, “I don’t believe in myself, my ideas, my ability to do this.”

Step #5. The biggest difference between successful people and unsuccessful ones (in business, and in life) is that successful people are determined to make the situation work for them rather than searching for reasons why a situation won’t work. Think of your mind as a suggestion machine, dedicated to keeping you safe, from making mistakes, from being embarrassed. It thinks it is protecting you from harm – something it was programmed to do to keep you safe from real danger. Most likely you will feel discomfort in pushing yourself past negative thoughts. Therefore, this is when you begin to test whether that is true and take small steps toward the goal you set for yourself. Your job is not to judge yourself, but to step forward with all you have within you in any given moment. Let the world choose.

Self-Confidence

Believing in yourself is the beginning of a journey to self-esteem and self-confidence. It’s a journey you can only take in your own mind, and through your own actions. The true joy of believing in yourself lies in unleashing your gifts and offering them to the world.

Self-confidence is a quality you can develop. Start this moment to believe in yourself and your future will thank you.

For more suggestions on believing in yourself as part of your own success, you may be interested in this article. Share your thoughts below on what has helped you believe in yourself.